even when she's sleeping i can see her dancing

Y - GuRl's picture

I honestly thought this journal entry I would be going on about how I've come out. Hasn't happened yet. I had it all planned, new years was gonna be when I told Tim. No, instead we were stuck with a stranger who was in love with sleeping and his cigarettes. My fault tho. Although that night I did have a connection with a cute girl, we were in the car with this band pumping up and we cruised past these bunch of people. A girl goes "hey who's playing [insert band here]?!' And I jus stuck my thumb out the window and I said something to her.. can't remember what, but she was like Yeah! and gave me the thumbs up. Little things like that make me happy.

I got my hair done at this new place, wow all the chicks there were hot! Especially the girl that did my hair, she was great, heaps cute. She had mad hair, kinda short and blonde, blue and pink. She had an engagement ring on or something so I was like aww she's definetely straight, plus I think she was a little pregnant too.. maybe. Still I was dreamy for the rest of the day, she's probably the first crush I've had in ages. She was so cool. *sigh*

Hmm what else, oh yeah the midsumma festival is on right now. It's the annual gay thing they have in Melbourne. I really wanna go check it out, it's on for a few weeks.. so if I come out to someone before it ends, then I might have a chance of them coming with me! That's the plan anyway. I seriously need some queer mates around here. I was kinda close to coming out to Timmy.. well hardly.

Me: Hey..
Him: Yeah?
Me: Umm
Him: Yeah...?
-silence-
Him: Were you gonna say something awkward because it seems like you were..
Me shakes head
Him: Oh.. ok well it could have been interesting.

Yeah I'm stupid.. but I'm usually not a very open person, so I guess it's hard to just let go and say what I wanna say. My new attitude is 'fuck it, just say it.' It's harder to do if you put it off for ages yeah. Well I'm sick of writing about my bullshit attempts to come out.. so I'm not writing another journal entry until I do.

Comments

FlyflewAway's picture

don't feel the need to rush

if u do go for the new attitude and just say it, you might regret something so just take your time.

Him: Were you gonna say something awkward because it seems like you were..
Me shakes head
Him: Oh.. ok well it could have been interesting.

-- that made me laugh for some reason.

night

I'd never lie to you
Unless I had to, I'll do what I got to
The truth...is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt - Tbs

ThankYourLuckyStars's picture

Or if you dont just come out

Or if you dont just come out and say it they will find out some other way, thats what happend with me, and its a whole lot harder to explain it that way then to just say "im gay"

deepspace87's picture

i find its much easer to say

i find its much easer to say it when ur online talkin to someone. its much easer for me to talk to someone over aim then in person. i told my friend over aim, and i just kinda made my fingers type and say it, then hit enter, and not let my brain say no. then i had a long conversation with her. it is SOOOOO much easer to tell someone and talk to them online for me.

"Never apologize for saying what you feel. It's like apologizing for being real."