How do you know??????

deepspace87's picture

How did you guys first know when or if you were gay/ bi?? Im trying to figure out if im bi, or just a major tomboy. Give me advise on how to know......

a human's picture

If you think you are, then you are

What you think about it is really all that matters.
Gsy/bi/whatever it's just a word.
Just be yourself and do what you feel is right.

raining men's picture

Sexual fantasy

To be perfectly frank it's all about sexual fantasy. Who do you fantasise about? What turns you on? Sexual feeling is the heart of the matter

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"

Dim's picture


Like raining men mentioned, sexual fantasy is one way to know. And crushes on some1 of the same sex is always a sign. As is being perhaps a bit more masculine than most girls.
But since you are still figuring out your preferance, (or maybe you like both...?) there is no need to label yourself yet. Just give it time... You will know =o)


theonechickcagelle's picture

I started fantasising about g

I started fantasising about girls and then i realized how right it felt. then came a whole lot of confusion.

"Gay people have become artists, philosophers, and writers for all of time!
"But my friend's not an artist, he's a republican!"
-Avenue Q (the musical)

formula_truth_love's picture

Best Of Luck To You :->

Well i kinda knew since i was 4 or 5 i would look at other little girls and feel something i knew wasn't what others felt. Around 7 i found out about gay and lesbian relationships and even before i had crushes on girls but denyed that i did. I had a little experience when i was 7 but that didn't define me as my sexuality which is bi. I know i am because when i am with a girl i feel so more connected to them i still have to figure out my attraction to guys but i know i like girls and that will and always has been there. Home you can figure yourself out don't rush it though i am 15 now so it took me years to really come to terms and accept myself and i am still having some minor confusion if you ever wanna talk im me or email me there on my info page.

"Obsession rules us all, and we obey."

simplyme's picture

It's all about the feeling. w

It's all about the feeling. when I imagine being with a girl, when I see a girl, when I kiss a girl, it feels right.

One day we will start to fly and never look back..

formula_truth_love's picture


Also one thing i forgot to mention when i always think of my first date my first love and everything like that with a girl. It feels special like straight girls explain their dreams about guys. I am bi but for some reason when i think about those things with guys it doesn't feel as speecial just the usual but fine and no complaints with doing it for now. I only remembered this after reading simplyme's comment.

"Obsession rules us all, and we obey."

twitch's picture

I had a lot of difficulty wit

I had a lot of difficulty with it... till one day I found myself fantasizing about kissing that guy... and it kinda clicked, and then I thought about kissing a girl that I was good friends with, and was the main reason I was doubting myself... and the thought itself felt wrong

~ A Tiger in a Cage + Never Sees the Sun ~

Barralai's picture

If you think you like girls t

If you think you like girls than your probably not straight, go from their
"Barralai, I have to say, you're probably the most arrogant, selfish bastard I've ever come across. And that's saying a lot, because I'm usually quite nice." -That_quiet_one_in_the_corner

EGLolita's picture

Oh.... I knew once I met Ryu.

Oh.... I knew once I met Ryu. I had had a few 'crushes' but when I think back on it, it was always when I would start to question myself that I would crush on some guy to prove myself wrong.
At first, I settled with the fact that I thought I was bi, but as time went on, I say myself less and less with guys. It actually kinda disgusted me.
You'll know when you know.

twitch's picture

I emailed the GLNH. which yo

I emailed the GLNH. which you can also call or email your own versionin, with a similar question a while ago, and they sent me this response... hope it helps!

We want to congratulate you for writing to us about what is going on in your life and for reaching out to discuss your feelings. I can assure you that you are not alone, and many guys your age think they may be gay but aren't really sure.

Naturally, here at the GLBT National Help Center we can't say if you are gay, or bisexual or straight. That is something that only you can recognize and accept in yourself. But it may help you to know that just about all experts believe someone's sexuality, whether they are gay or straight or bisexual, is something they are either born with or is something that develops within the first few years of each person's life. No one ever makes a choice to be gay, bisexual or straight, it is just one part of who you are. Those experts in human sexuality believe that being gay, lesbian or bisexual is just as normal for some people as being straight is for others. Perhaps it isn't as common, but it is just as normal.

If you are wondering if you may be gay, it may help to ask yourself what your feelings would be if most of society was more accepting of people who weren't straight. For a few minutes forget everything you've been told about being gay or bisexual, forget the stereotypes about feminine males or masculine females, or that it is "wrong" or "disgusting" to have sexual feelings for someone of the same sex, and then ask yourself if you honestly are attracted to the same sex. Don't fight your feelings, whatever they are. And when people have strong attractions for an extended period of time, it isn't a "phase" but is simply just the normal way you feel, and probably always will.

Another thing that might be helpful is to realize that you don't have to stick a label (gay, bi, straight) on your feelings right now. You might find it less stressful to take a step back from that, and instead just take things one day at a time and see where your feelings naturally lead you. You really don't need to come to some huge understanding about it immediately.

Also, being physically attracted toward someone of the same gender or having sex are not the only things that defines someone as being gay or bisexual. For many people, being gay or bisexual relates to feeling an emotional attraction and connection toward someone of the same gender, as well as a physical attraction.

You mentioned that you don't want to come out of the closet and then find out you are wrong. It may be helpful to know that for many people "coming out" and accepting that they are gay or bisexual, is multi-step process. Many people begin by understanding and accepting to themselves that they are gay, and once they feel comfortable (and sure) about being gay many then talk with others about being gay. Some people talk about being gay with other gay people, or with close friends (both gay and straight) they have known a long time, or with trusted family members.

Many people who come out find that talking with others can be an exciting and liberating experience, and they are surprised by the support they receive. Often it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and you feel good because you don't have to lie about yourself and your feelings. But obviously, everyone's experiences are different.

It may also help to meet and talk with some gay, lesbian and bisexual people. In many cities there are support groups or other social outlets for gay people, including groups for teenagers. Here at the GLBT National Help Center we have a lot of local resources for all over the country (about 18,000 of them). If you think it would be helpful to find out about some support or social groups in your area, we can check that for you. Please reply back with your city and state and we can check our records and email you with whatever information we might find.

Many gay, bisexual or questioning people have found support through Internet online chat rooms. You do have to be careful when dealing with strangers in a chat room, but it is a good way to possibly meet other people and discuss your situation.

On the Internet you can also find many sites for gay people. Please go on line to sites including and . You can also go to our website at and click into "Find Resources" and continue and click into "National Organizations." You will find the web sites for many organizations for youth, religious, general and others.

It may also help to call one of our two toll-free hotlines, to speak with a trained volunteer. The first is called the GLBT National Youth Talkline; that phone number is 1-800-246-PRIDE (1-800-246-7743), and calls are answered Monday thru Saturday from 9:30pm to midnight, eastern time. It's for callers up to age 25.

We also have a second hotline that has longer hours, and is for people of any age (both youth and adults). That hotline is called the Gay & Lesbian National Hotline, and the toll-free hotline number is 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564) and calls are answered Monday through Friday, from 4pm to midnight and Saturday from noon to 5pm, eastern time.

Good luck, and if we can be of any other help, please just let us know.

didn't do too much for me overall - but maybe it'll help you?

~ A Tiger in a Cage + Never Sees the Sun ~

Barralai's picture

Better than nothing for sho :

Better than nothing for sho :P
"Barralai, I have to say, you're probably the most arrogant, selfish bastard I've ever come across. And that's saying a lot, because I'm usually quite nice." -That_quiet_one_in_the_corner