It's over and done But the heartache lives on insideAnd who's the one you're clinging to Instead of me tonight?

cayde's picture

KennyD broke up with me just minutes, before I boarded the plane. He told me that I am a great guy, but he
no longer wants to hold on to me, he doesn't have any feelings for me. I have been foreseeing for times
but I am a guy that would give up easily - but he didn't give us a chance to fight, to talk and to grieve
properly.

Our relationship was rewarding and passionate. It was the first mature and grown up relationship I ever had.
The most beautiful thing about it was we felt the need to hide it from anyone. I could always kiss him
whereever we are and whenever. Deep down I am still wishing to see his embracing arms open up and him asking
me if we want to do it all over again, when I got back to Glasgow in two weeks time.

I wonder if he was trying to avoid a confrontation, when we waited until last minute to break up with me.
In opion, it was really selfish. of him to do that. Remember this was that I am still working with on the day
to day and we have been friends for years. He didn't give a chance to talk to my friends, or allow me
to have an outlet of any sorts. For 13 hours, I was restless, emotional and tired.

I tried so hard to get ridded of my dad since he picked me up. We also have a live-in house keeper. I really
wanted to be on my own. But I couldn't tell my dad about my sexuality or the relationship just yet. Well
not when I am valunable. Around 2 a.m. I sneaked into my dad's room. I told him I love him. I sat down on
his bed and tears started to come from nowhere. I went back ito my room and listen to my some musics and
DC's Emotion came up. I think that sums up my Emotion right now. I paged Marc and Jamie to tell them what
happened. They are really supportive and care a lot about me. I am missing them more than ever.

Comments

cayde's picture

I am so insulted

I was waiting for my dad on the other side of the mall. He is yet to turn up. I realized that the scene is not really that far from Royal Garden. I don't mean offend anyone in here. I can camp and I do scream from time to time. I think there is always a place and time for it.

I walked into the lane, well I am now grown up enough to deal with consequences and strong enough say fuck off. Well mentioned to Adrian earlier that I need to find a trendy gay or mixed bar. Well what I found in Pattaya scene is less than trendy. It's more like a hustlers hide out. I was so offended when one of them say "Hello beautiful you are so sexy" that was a traslation from Thai. It's not content matter it's the way they said it. I was gonna say somethings like "Like you are that butch madams". In your face, slutty behaviors are unacceptable for anyone. It just gives gay boys bad names. I am sure they are so many local kids struggling with their sexualities - the only role models they can find are butches of hustlers.

the mouse that roared's picture

hey

I'm sorry your boyfriend broke up with you the way he did, and that it's been so hard for you. I know it doesn't feel good right now, but you will move on eventually and find other loves.

Are you hanging on to something useless just because you think it's beautiful?
--William Zinsser

cayde's picture

Right now I only need half of reason to make up my mind

Right now I only need half to reason
to hate people and to dislike somebody.
I had become really synical and skeptical
about everything including my emotion.

I picked up my grandfather from the airport
today and I almost broke down. I know It
got nothing to do with him, but I felt my
inability to hold on to my relationship
would some how let him down.

Guess what being single is not all bad.
I always want to go on an All-Boys Cruise
or a real funky pool party. The only way to
enjoy this is to be single. Now I might have
somethings to look forward to.