Nothing Special at all just the unimportant feelings in my heart and mind :- {

formula_truth_love's picture

Well i meet my new therapist this week and it kinda scares me only cause every time i tell about my past the things that i feel hurt me or were bad and shameful. I relive how bad wrong and dirty i felt. I wasn't abused or anything but too early entered into the physical side of life. By my own choice but i feel shameful eventhough my other therapist has said time and time again that it wasn't many young kids get curious and experiment. But i don't regret anything cause i am the woman i am today because of it. Sorry i meant to say girl.

Well on to other news lately i have been feeling that i need to expand my social circle from the like 1 friend i have. I need to get out more live more. Have some fun do the things i wanna do as long as they are not detrimental to my health. Well i was talking to these girls at my school a 17 and 18 they and i and my friend were talking about maybe planning to go to a underage nightclub soon when the 18 year old girl get's insurance for her car.

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Well let's see i was writing everything before this sentence a couple hours ago but i got bored and lonely so i started chatting which i normally do when i get lonely. It's 6:44am i have been up since 4:00pm sunday so that's awhile but i was doing things to keep from being lonely. Well i can't do it anymore the chatting to random people i don't know doesn't fill that lonely empty void. I need friends that wanna go out can have fun that get me. I know i am not in the shape for any type of romantic relationship i need to get my life together first. But a part of me want's to just do it to not be lonely but i know that i shouldn't. I know that i have to be patient and then when the time comes i will finally find someone or a friends that actually cares and get's me.

It just gets harder to make it through the day some weeks. Having no one to really talk to who get's me really get's me. There used to be one just one my therapist but se is on maternity leave so now i have noone really. I know i sound like i am being a drama queen and a diva. I am proabally over exageratting things but i think i am proabally tired too so i am going to go to bed after my sister leaves for school she is getting ready now it is 6:53am now. So have a great day or week and thanks for reading if you do i know this was long and nonsensicle if that's even a word. But thank you cause it does mean something to me.

Comments

phantasmagoria's picture

:)have a nice day

hi- it sounds like you have self-esteem issues actually. and i really hope the your social stuff improves- rooting for you!

formula_truth_love's picture

Hey yes i do have many self-e

Hey yes i do have many self-esteem problems that i know and i have social anxiety. Not much fun but the above that i wrote was one of my bad moments when i get all down and hopeless blah blah. But i am a little better after getting out and going to school but i am trying to get my social life rolling. Thanks and i wish you lots of luck.

"Obsession rules us all, and we obey."

FlyflewAway's picture

don't worry ur not the only one

i have major self esteem issues too like someone will tell me i look nice and the next day ill stare at the mirror and think that im not. O_O'' I think its just a phase and hopefully WE BOTH will over come it =]

I'd never lie to you
Unless I had to, I'll do what I got to
The truth...is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt - Tbs