So Confused...Help

PolySciMC's picture

I'm at college, and if you looked at me, you would probably looking at someone who seems all together, smart, happy, and headed for the skies. And you're 95% correct. I do love school, and I have the most awesome friends in the world, seriously. And I hope that I will go great places, and meet great people, and find that special woman who means everything to me.

However, my mother seems to be totally oblivious to my feelings in a variety of areas, especially in regards to my sexual orientation. I first asked my mom about liking girls when I was a freshman in high school, because I had a painful crush on this girl who I was in choir with. She had told me she was bi, but her preference was toward guys. I was bummed and really didn't understand my feelings clearly enough. So, I talked to her, and she assured me that I was not a lesbian or bisexual, and that she would know if I was. The years passed and I went out with guys, but really had no feelings toward them at all. But whenever I would be near another girl I liked a lot, or thought was gorgeous and amazing, my heart would skip a million beats, and my belief in my assumption got stronger. I told my mom on the phone earlier this year that I liked women. My mom replied that I was not, that my "mind was being fucked" by a friend of mine, that I should cut off ties with her. Mom then told me that this had happened to her, and that I was just being manipulated. I then took that position for while, but at Christmas, I realized I really do feel the way I do, and that this is valid.

I'm just so confused because I don't know where to go, what to do, who to talk to, or anything. I just want someone to believe me!!!! Is that too much to ask?????!!!!!! I feel lost in this area of my life, and am so scared. Questions are just racing through my mind. Please, someone, hear me!!

Comments

sweet_grrrl's picture

I hear you.

Having your mom refuse to believe you about your sexuality would be hard on anyone. Asking for her to believe is not too much to ask at all. I really don't know what I can say that will help, but I'm sure that your friends, and the community here, support you.

saves_the_day's picture

I'm in your boat with the who

I'm in your boat with the whole mom situation. When I told my mom that I'm a lesbian her first response was "I don't think you are." But what does she know, right? Having someone believe you is not asking for much at all.

As for the whole thing with your mom, I can't help you out much because I made the choice of saying that now that I've told her it can't surprise her in the future because she does know, just isn't willing to accept it. And I refuse to bring it up again.

We are hearing you, and if you need someone to vent to feel free to message me.

Just ask the question, untie the knot

jeff's picture

Well...

As for wanting someone to believe you, I think you are looking outside yourself too early. If you don't believe in yourself, why would anyone else believe you?

No one but you will understand what you are exactly feeling, so why look to people with less knowledge on the subject for validation. Reading your post, it seems like you are clear on what you want, you just lack the self-esteem to trust your instincts.