What am I doing here?

cayde's picture

"Moan and Groan, bitching the day way that's so stereotypcial of gay boys" This was reply to Adrian greeting "Good Moaning". I started my day with watching a couple of videos on video.google.com. I could only remember the first it was Fear of Girls.

It's about two dorks sharing a house - who describe themselves as a platonic life partner. I don't such platonic relationship can never exist in my life. I had a crush on Marc and dated him once. That didn't work out - we some how stayed friends after that.

After class on Tuesay I spent my afternoon with Raymond, a very few people I consider a friend on campus now day. He spent most of his time working on Thesis now day, but we still managed lunch or dinner every now and again. Well Raymond saved the day again yesterday, because he happened to have a meeting on campus. Today I am truely alone, staying on campus and doing had become a struggle at worst or a chore at worst. Although I am sitting down in front of the computer and at least got myself ready to work, I also feel very reluctant to be here. I have been here for four years, but I never felt anythings like this before.

I ran into KennyD yesterday afternoon in Level 12 boys' room. It hurted me just to see plainly smiled at and said hey then walked away. Since the break up, I have noticed boyfriends and girlfriends more. I always feel a bit irritated and of course jealous. I sometimes wish that I am hitted by a bus, not that I am being suicidal or want to die. I just want to be slaped in a face big time, I can wake up from this eternal nightmare of not being myself.

He was the one who was immature and didn't have a gut to break up with me properly. I want to if he still remembers that I am still his friend. I bet he doesn't feel anythings right now, why do I have to pay the price for other people moronic actions.


adrian's picture

That video clip

is here : video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7521044027821122670

it's quite funny =)

Putting the HEAD back into Hedonism

It's cute how you believe in things. - Slither