A follow up on my senioritis

milee13's picture

So my friend just called me to apologize...I think, but I couldn't really tell.

She informed me that she was just "kidding" and didn't realize that I had taken it so seriously, apparently my shocked expression hadn't been enough for her.

I pretty much told her that I felt that she was being rude and overly controlling and possessive and that I didn't feel it was necessary.
She told me that she wasn't being possessive and would never try to control me like that...right.

She never actually said she was sorry for hurting my feelings and did not concede that she knew I was upset at the time, which given my behavior and the stunned expression on my face I think was fairly evident.

I don't think I mentioned this before but we actually encountered one of her friends in the hall who asked me "Is this girl breaking your heart?" and I responded that yes she was indeed.

My friend didn't like that response apparently because , as she was walking down the stairs it clued her in the fact that I was less than amused by the conversation.

My avoidance of her was also a hint.

It took her almost two weeks to call me, seeing as her auditions came first.

I feel like a total doormat and it worries me that I let people screw around with me like this. I wish I could say that it's only because I've known her for almost twelve years, but I really don't think that's the entire truth.

I do however think that i conveyed to her fairly well that telling me she was joking is not a proper apology as that is not what I understood her to be doing and it really did upset me, and i really don't think she was joking. It wasn't funny, and it's not the kind of thing you joke about unless you're being incredibly rude, her behavior was simply not permissible.

What I do find amusing though is that she didn't like it when mid conversation I asked her what she was typing...granted I read when I'm on the phone with her and I always bring my own entertainment to her house, but that's mostly because I get bored and her sister went off to college.

I feel much better now, but do think I need to be more assertive with her about where I'm coming from next time I get a chance to talk with her without the risk of my entire family overhearing.

Hopefully we'll be able to get a few things sorted out like how it's not okay to confess her love to me as a joke and then leave me to try and let her down gently and yet also be supportive of her having been secretly gay--that's just not right.

Moving on I had anightmare last night that I was running around telling everyone that I met I was gay and then my mom showed up and freaked out, I have a feeling I may have been talking in my sleep which is doubly alarming. It's seriously been months since I've had dreams where i do that. I woke up all disoriented and horrified thinking I had actually done it.

It was worse than the one I had when I was living in Arkansas and still questioning and dreamt that my teachers and classmates were dressed as puritans and stoning me to death, thankfully my current school is nothing like that and I've never had any problems.

I have so much work to do for my english class right now it's sick. I can maybe do some of it after my spanish test tomorrow, or when i'm slacking off in gym. We started 3 on3 basketball tournaments today, and normally I hate basketball, but when my entire team sucks and we're playing against these really short aggressive people it is sooooo much fun. Apparently I enjoy non competetive sports.

I hate my econ class. My teacher is an absolute buffoon and my classmates can't be quiet for two minutes at a time which basically means I sit in class and feed my friend Robby choco-grahams and talk about procreation.

I think one of my friends may be gay...either that or she is becoming oddly affectionate and concerned about me.

It's not necessarily her behavior towards me that makes me think this, but really just her behavior in general.

This is not me claiming to have gaydar. One of my friends mentioned to me that she thought this mutual friend of ours was and I didn't say anything, just kind of shrugged, but the thought had occured to me in the past. So it's not just me being totally crazy.

Personally I think it would be kind of interesting if she was, but I'm not about to go up to her and ask or to imply that she is, not only because that would be an incredibly rude invasion of her privacy, but also because there is a huge chance that I'm just crazy and really am beginning to think that everyone around me is a homosexual....

It's really creepy and weird, I'm beginning to think that there may be some kind of strange magnetic force field at my school that draws us together....

I'm losing my mind, I really am....