A question you've seen a million times before...

Kristian's picture

How would you describe a guy who...

... has had sex with guys only - some 15 different individuals?
... has had 'crushes' on girls only - without any conscious sexual attraction, though?
... predominantly watches straight porn?
... doesn't feel at ease with any label - gay, bi or straight?


Gerardo's picture

He's bi. Duh! ______

He's bi.



"Just a little humble of my urge to have sex"

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."

Kristian's picture

[The person in question is of

[The person in question is of course me.]
Curious - I would have thought, and maybe preferred, to be 'disqualified' as bi on grounds of not having had sex with a girl, and thus be termed gay.
I could certainly do without the duality of being bi, but it seems that I'll just have to cope, if this is indeed not a question of discarding socio-cultural norms [and accept being gay].

Si vis pacem para bellum

Duncan's picture

Hmmm... I'd say bi, but one s

Hmmm... I'd say bi, but one shouldn't and doesn't have to pick a lable. There are some people who are "I-don't-know" sexuals.

deepspace87's picture

well, everyone is calling you

well, everyone is calling you bi, but i said u dont like labels, so i would say your just kinda of.....you.

"Never apologize for saying what you feel. It's like apologizing for being real."

Kristian's picture

It is not that I dislike labe

It is not that I dislike labels as such - they're rather important in trying to sort out the world we live in. I just feel I have serious objections to the 'straight', 'gay' and 'bi' labels. Maybe bi is simply the least misleading label for me.

Si vis pacem para bellum

rowie's picture

kristian should just about do

kristian should just about do it...or bob, david whatever his name is. you dont need a label. labels are good if they help someone, but if it creates more worry trying to pick one, then just dont. as long as you know in your head when something feels right or not its all you need. let the world figure out whats going on by themselves - theres no need to make it easy for them!

--i used to be a tomboy, now im a full grown lesbian--

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**

shinedownkicksyouras's picture

You don't need a label sweeth

You don't need a label sweetheart they are dumb adn get you know where

Don't feel the need to define me...I can define myslef

EGLolita's picture

I've heard the term 'queer' p

I've heard the term 'queer' pretty much covers it. No specifics.

~My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly, my friend~ Queen

adbak's picture

I'd say bi, but since he's un

I'd say bi, but since he's uncomfy with that term queer suits him best. Or perhaps he prefers pansexual?

jeff's picture

I vote gay

There seems to be reluctance/hesitancy about being gay, but all actions (sex) break through all the other stuff.

"Crushes" on girls with no sexual attraction? Non-sexual crushes don't count when determining sexual orientation.

Straight porn? Could be a matter of opportunity (easier to find, more available) or that with these issues about sexuality, he's less likely to rent gay porn. Besides, straight porn has guys in it.

Isn't at ease? Well, safe to knock straight off the list, so there's one down. Questioning isn't a sexuality, it's a delay tactic. Which leads us to: sex with guys and non-sexual interest in girls? Sounds pretty gay.

Kristian's picture

I have actually at times been

I have actually at times been rather enthusiastic about being gay. It really appealed to the part of me that was desperate to fit in somewhere. And when I first visited a gay bar, it felt almost as if I belonged there.

That being said, there's an eternal conflict going on inside me. Every time I proclaim to gay, something inside protests: "Why do you say that? You know it's not true!" There is a suspicion lurking inside that I just use the gay label as a "gateway", for better or worse, and that I deceive people I care about - certain female friends in particular - by presenting myself as having no interest in them.

The crushes I've had on girls have been quite similar. I put her on a piedestal and worship her like a goddess, but sex isn't part of the equation. If I go out and meet a girl, and start talking to her, I do so with the purpose of simply having a good time - the thought of sex never crosses my mind.

Guys are a slightly different. In a bar I treat a guy much the same way as a girl - meaning that my primary goal is to have fun by drinking, talking, joking with person in question.
Sex isn't on my agenda at all. Usually it just "happens", if the person, situation and my mood fulfill certain criteria - but I never take the initiative. Most of the time I am rather indifferent to the prospect of a sexual encounter, but see no compelling reason to refuse it if I enjoy the company of the person in question.

I don't know precisely why I prefer guys over girls - but the few times I've almost ended up in bed with a girl - by accidence - I've become absolutely terrified, shaking all over.

Yes, I'm only semi-sane - but at least I admit it.

Si vis pacem para bellum

biochemistry_student's picture

I think our society is so con

I think our society is so consumed with labeling that it has had the tenacity to label such a beauty as love. It is my belief that it is the person inside that you like, not the exterior. Sometimes you just find the right person for you and it doesn't matter whether they're a boy or girl.

"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"~Ernest Gaines
"No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. The only queer people are those who don't love anybody."~Rita M