Am I gay or is it a phase?

MIKE33456's picture

Hey im 16 male very confused
recently lost a girlfriend because
of having no physical intrest in her
now I think i like men but am not sure, what do i do?

pixies_in_the_underworld's picture

Dude, you're the only one who

Dude, you're the only one who can answer that question. If you truly believe that you are interested in guys, then you probably are...but who cares? You're young, it doesn't matter what your orientation is as long as you're yourself.
There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anaïs Nin

gaybutsad's picture

Hey, the way I found out was

Hey, the way I found out was because I always knew.... but that's just me.

Here take this.... watch a gay porn and see if you're attracted to it. Watch the guys and men. their body's caressing eachother and feeling eachother. see if this works. If you're under 18 then fantasize about a boy that you might think is attractive (believe me I know guys like to look at other guys even if they're straight). but ya, like they all say. It's your personal choice and decision

"Note to self, I miss you terribly. This is what we call a tragedy. Come back to me back to me, to me."~~~~From FIrst to last, Note to self

CaliMan's picture


Are your feelings for men stronger for guy or for girls? You might be gay or bi. I am not you so I don't know. Only you can answer your question.

twitch's picture

from the GLNH: We want

from the GLNH:

We want to congratulate you for writing to us about what is going on in your life and for reaching out to discuss your feelings. I can assure you that you are not alone, and many guys your age think they may be gay but aren't really sure.

Naturally, here at the GLBT National Help Center we can't say if you are gay, or bisexual or straight. That is something that only you can recognize and accept in yourself. But it may help you to know that just about all experts believe someone's sexuality, whether they are gay or straight or bisexual, is something they are either born with or is something that develops within the first few years of each person's life. No one ever makes a choice to be gay, bisexual or straight, it is just one part of who you are. Those experts in human sexuality believe that being gay, lesbian or bisexual is just as normal for some people as being straight is for others. Perhaps it isn't as common, but it is just as normal.

If you are wondering if you may be gay, it may help to ask yourself what your feelings would be if most of society was more accepting of people who weren't straight. For a few minutes forget everything you've been told about being gay or bisexual, forget the stereotypes about feminine males or masculine females, or that it is "wrong" or "disgusting" to have sexual feelings for someone of the same sex, and then ask yourself if you honestly are attracted to the same sex. Don't fight your feelings, whatever they are. And when people have strong attractions for an extended period of time, it isn't a "phase" but is simply just the normal way you feel, and probably always will.

Another thing that might be helpful is to realize that you don't have to stick a label (gay, bi, straight) on your feelings right now. You might find it less stressful to take a step back from that, and instead just take things one day at a time and see where your feelings naturally lead you. You really don't need to come to some huge understanding about it immediately.

Also, being physically attracted toward someone of the same gender or having sex are not the only things that defines someone as being gay or bisexual. For many people, being gay or bisexual relates to feeling an emotional attraction and connection toward someone of the same gender, as well as a physical attraction.

You mentioned that you don't want to come out of the closet and then find out you are wrong. It may be helpful to know that for many people "coming out" and accepting that they are gay or bisexual, is multi-step process. Many people begin by understanding and accepting to themselves that they are gay, and once they feel comfortable (and sure) about being gay many then talk with others about being gay. Some people talk about being gay with other gay people, or with close friends (both gay and straight) they have known a long time, or with trusted family members.

Many people who come out find that talking with others can be an exciting and liberating experience, and they are surprised by the support they receive. Often it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and you feel good because you don't have to lie about yourself and your feelings. But obviously, everyone's experiences are different.

It may also help to meet and talk with some gay, lesbian and bisexual people. In many cities there are support groups or other social outlets for gay people, including groups for teenagers. Here at the GLBT National Help Center we have a lot of local resources for all over the country (about 18,000 of them). If you think it would be helpful to find out about some support or social groups in your area, we can check that for you. Please reply back with your city and state and we can check our records and email you with whatever information we might find.

Many gay, bisexual or questioning people have found support through Internet online chat rooms. You do have to be careful when dealing with strangers in a chat room, but it is a good way to possibly meet other people and discuss your situation.

On the Internet you can also find many sites for gay people. Please go on line to sites including and . You can also go to our website at and click into "Find Resources" and continue and click into "National Organizations." You will find the web sites for many organizations for youth, religious, general and others.

It may also help to call one of our two toll-free hotlines, to speak with a trained volunteer. The first is called the GLBT National Youth Talkline; that phone number is 1-800-246-PRIDE (1-800-246-7743), and calls are answered Monday thru Saturday from 9:30pm to midnight, eastern time. It's for callers up to age 25.

We also have a second hotline that has longer hours, and is for people of any age (both youth and adults). That hotline is called the Gay & Lesbian National Hotline, and the toll-free hotline number is 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564) and calls are answered Monday through Friday, from 4pm to midnight and Saturday from noon to 5pm, eastern time.

Good luck, and if we can be of any other help, please just let us know.

~ A Tiger in a Cage + Never Sees the Sun ~

Elias Killjoy's picture

Option 1: Consider when you w

Option 1: Consider when you watch or look at porn, reguarless of legality, you're a male, I know you do, do you go for more girl on guy or guy on guy stuff? When you watch it what are you more intersted in?
Option 2: Have sex with a boy, if you like it as much/more then with a female, that yes you bi/gay.

I'm like spam, only more personal

my heart it pitter patters's picture

darling, need i say that sexu

darling, need i say that sexual orientation isn't just about sex? there's this whole thing called attraction which as far as i know we decided wasn't just about sex? i think i remember that discussion...

once time is lit, it will burn whether or not you're breathing it in. even after smoke becomes air there is the memory of smoke. -david levithan

Anonymous's picture

I wouldnt be in a hurry to fi

I wouldnt be in a hurry to find out who you are. It'll just stress you. Me and my girl went through the same thing so I know where you come from. Just give it time.

Phantom89's picture

Same problem 16 and confused

Well okay i'm not sure how to find out myself...i played truth or dare over a weekend and i had to kiss a guy (make out) now this isn't the only time i've done it but this time was different, i wasnt grossed out, and i now feel like i like that person. Im not sure if i'm bi/gay but maybe you do need to do something with someone to find out.

Gerardo's picture

Sexuality: Personal Journey?

Haha. I have heard this so many times...

First of all, I don't believe in "Phases", so saying that being a gay during adolescants is a phase is the most absurd thing to me. Usually, when people seek out sites that help teens with discovering their sexuality, they are(or will be) at the least bi. I also think that finding your sexuality is a personal journey. I believe Oasis is more of a peek at being gay, bi, or queer.

Anyways, good luck with finding your sexuality. (You'll need it.)


"We're all just a little humble of our urge to have sex"

"There is no excuse for being miserable."

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."

Duncan's picture

Ah. It's a simple question, b

Ah. It's a simple question, but it may take a while to find the answer. Some things that may help you answer that: When you are walking down the hall, who do you like to check out? When you think of sex, who would you rather do it with? Who do you mostly have crushes on? Who do you find to be beautiful around you? Who do you fantasize about the most often? You are alone in your room with a guy. How do you feel? What do you wanna do? What about if it were a girl? These are some questions that should get you thinking.

Hyacinthus's picture

Ultimately it all boils....

Ultimately it all boils down to attraction. Like many have already stated, who are you attracted to? Who do you have crushes on? Now, if you find that they answer to this question is men, then you probably are gay.

"The French are glad to die for love, they delight in fighting duels. But I like a man who lives, and gives expensive jewels"