Carolina

wild-blue-yonder's picture

Carolina

I will not tolerate intolerance! She screams at those
Who brandish their dulled blades in religious fervor,
Clanging and sparking, roaring dominance.
The gentle she hits from behind, tumbling one by one,
Falling like feathers.
Wheeling around, radiating power.
The belligerent she fights, fire with fire, scorching already callused skin.
Can she even remember when this began?

The ozone layer! She pleads and cries to the passerby,
Eyes open wide in desperation.
Sympathy flows towards the young innocent lamenting.
Cold angry whirlwinds of thoughts behind the beauty, unseen,
She daintily sipping water with a pinky raised.
Greenpeace! The rainforest!
When the last traces of dusk leave the sky she turns to go home,
Wrapping her coat around her as she tosses her cup into the nearest trashbin,
Shielding her face from the wind.

Through hordes of Them, head held high, she marches past,
Deeply resenting the looks and stares,
Scowling with her blackened lips as she mentally recites her rights.
Metal jangles to the steady rhythm of her footsteps, loud and ringing
Thuds of boot on brick. Glaring at those who would meet her eyes,
She leaves a moment of silence in her wake.
What to make of her?

So that's my go at poetry.

Note: The character “Carolina" comes from a song by the New Radicals called "Jehovah Made This Whole Joint For You." She belongs to them. The poetry is mine.

Comments

Palmtreechick14's picture

Wow

That was gorgeous!

Stars fall as tears form, the end of the world is your despair...

the mouse that roared's picture

Mm beautiful

I love the passion here, and the images, especially "loud and ringing thuds of boot on brick." The first three lines are especially well-paced. You do an excellent job of defining a character, letting her make her entrance and her exit with swirling glamour.

Sometimes--if I may suggest even more improvement?--I feel like you get a bit caught up in the ideas themselves instead of conveying them with fresh images. For example, "She leaves a moment of silence in her wake." "moment of silence" is a bit overused, maybe you could replace it with some description of what exactly you mean by it. Who or what is silent? Why?

I love the ending, by the way. It makes you reflect on the whole piece, and wonder what you make of her. Great work.

Are you hanging on to something useless just because you think it's beautiful?
--William Zinsser

wild-blue-yonder's picture

Woo hoo!

Woo hoo! Some people actually read something I wrote! Thanks guys. :)

To Mouse: thanks for your advice. I know, I have to watch myself or I end up slipping in generic stuff (unfortunately if I'm not consciously avoiding it, I do it a lot). For once I actually meant to use an un-original phrase though, with 'moment of silence' - I wanted to kind of allude to the pledge of allegiance/moment of silence thing in schools, which I imagine Carolina would appear to absolutely hate (unless it was silence for her, which in this case it was). Were there any other bits you thought were too generic? Constructive criticizm is always appreciated... :) And thanks for your feedback!

Blue