I long for you. (new freeform peom) read and review plz this is my latest work.

Dark-Lord's picture

I long for you, i always have. These feeligns that i feel can not be reveiled. You would push me away. You act on me with passion, but is it real? I wish you would tell me how you really feel. I'm in love with you, i really am. But damned am i to suffer. I stare at you, dream of you, adn feel safe aournd you. You are always on my mind, every second, everyday, every week. I dream of the realtionship i want to have, but then I realize 'tis only a dream. And I've nothign more than to hope. Hope lets to suffering, and to ultimate destruction.

Comments

Hobbit's picture

Wow...

That is exactly how I feel about someone right now, I love the poem too.

Might be for her but for now it is between green and grey.
Nickel Creek
Chris Thile rocks my socks

Gerardo's picture

This poem seems a bit obvious

This poem seems a bit obvious and quite predictable.

____________________________________________

"We're all just a little humble of our urge to have sex"

"There is no excuse for being miserable."

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."

PolySciMC's picture

Uh..

It's a good start. However, it seems topical (even if it is not to you) You need to convey your passion in the words, they need to just flow. It seems like feelings, ideas are being held in. I can tell that this is coming from a real place, but it needs to be real to the reader as well.

Keep writing, because it's such a good way to get feelings out. Also, if there's a creative writing class at your local JC or community center, that can give you tools to start with.

Good luck with everything, and I hope things end up well!

Peace Out:)

"War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands."
-H. L. Mencken