Just Can't Want What I've Got

Palmtreechick14's picture

"The thing that I miss most is missing you."

Maybe getting back with The Boyfriend wasn't such a good idea. I was just getting used to being single and the worst thing that had really happened was finding out MM has a boyfriend, the day I was going to tell her I've got feelings for her. Ironic huh. Oh and another thing was MP finding out I've got feelings for her too. Maybe a word for me is "infatuous" because I fall in and out of "love" about as often as I change my jeans. I only ever tell people about the crushes that last longer than a month so I rarely tell people, but I do seem to have feelings for a new and exciting person every day. Jeez.

So anyway. Now I feel like I'm tangled in a spider's web - sticky but fragile, and aboslutely not where I want to be. I keep thinking, what if I'm not bi. What if I'm just a lesbian. It wouldn't be so bad, I mean I've no problem with it. Maybe all my feelings for guys are as friendship.

I would suggest The Boyfriend and I take a break, again, but I don't think he'd take me back, again, if I realised (again) that I think I do have feelings for him. When I've got him I only want him a little, but without him I need him (a lot). It's so confusing!

I wish someone could answer these for me, but I guess only I can...


the mouse that roared's picture

Oh, hun. You need to slow dow

Oh, hun. You need to slow down and let yourself figure things out. Don't worry too much about labels, though. It will sort itself out when it does.

Only you can say whether or not you should break up with your boyfriend, but I guess you need to consider how much you really want to be with him and how much you just want a relationship in general (especially one with a guy, so you don't have to think as much about being attracted to girls...) If you're worrying too much about whether or not you want to be with him, and you think you might be just leading him on, then it probably makes sense to break it off with him. Depending on a relationship is never fun. Whatever you do, be honest with him. Good luck, and keep us posted!

Are you hanging on to something useless just because you think it's beautiful?
--William Zinsser