My dad kicked me out of the house please help

nickywicz's picture

my dad kicked me out of the house becuase i came out to him. i followed the adviceee and help from the "coming out" page and it didnt go so well. what happend is that he started calling me verry deroggitive names twards homosexuals. and then throw me out of the house with just a suitcase and stuff. i have a place to stay im going o be staying with my friend untill things calm down. i just dont know why people cant accept me and why i cant have my faimly stick wit me through this time its like i killed some one. i didnt but hes acting as if i did. i dont know if i should approach him if i should be like dad what the fuck. should i look for support from faimly i dont know what to do. i dont know what i should do? i wanna make the besst chhoice for me .please hit me up with some 411. thanks

~nicky~
when i breathe in i breathe in peace. when i breathe out i breathe out love.

PokemonGeek's picture

First thing you need to do is

First thing you need to do is to try not to get all panicky and cry like you are crazy even though you want to. This will help keep you mind and thoughts together so you can do what I'm about to suggest to you next. Go to your nearest human services building where ever it is and talk to them. Trust me, they will help you in any way that they can. If you need to get there, look at the bus schedule and see when the next time it will come pick you up where you currently are and get off where it's closest to the human services department. They will set you up with a temporary place to stay. If you are under 18, then you can go to the YMCA if you are near one. They have emergancy shelter for kids who need it. You could also go to a homeless shelter and tell the employees about your situation. Believe me. Even though you may feel too embarassed about doing what I'm telling you, you'll feel a whole lot better and have somewhere to stay for a while. The people who work with these types of problems will understand your needs and there will be no need to be uncomfortable talking to them. To be honest, I've been in a similar situation about two years ago and I managed to get the help I needed. The job of people in human services is to help you out in times like these. They WILL help you. So please listen to my advice and talk to them. There is NO need to be ashamed or embarassed. If you ever need to talk to someone, you can always come to me.

Poor is the man
Whose pleasures depend
On the permission of another
Love me, that's right, love me
I wanna be your baby
Wanting, needing, waiting
For you to justify my love
Hoping, praying
For you to justify my love
I'm open and ready
~Madonna

jeff's picture

Yeah...

It's good that you have a place to crash while things calm down.

Not sure of your family situation, but things usually calm down after the initial shock.

I think you should just trust your instincts. If that means approaching your dad and calling him on his lack of support, you know better than we do as far as what your relationship has been up until now. Maybe seeing how your mom is doing with it, she might be able to talk him down to a better level of calm, etc.

You do seem to be approaching everything properly, though. In that you seem to focus on your dad pulling away from you, rather than the way most people approach things and blame themselves for pushing people away by coming out.

We're all pulling for you here.

adbak's picture

I second everything that Jeff

I second everything that Jeff said. I also want to make you aware of the National Gay and Lesbian Hotline (1-888-THE-GLNH or 1-888-843-4564) and the GLBT Youth National Hotline (1-800-246-PRIDE or 1-800-246-7743). Both, I'm sure, have a lot of experience with this issue and will help you sort things out. They're toll-free to boot. Good luck!

raining men's picture

It's a panic

Shit. That is bad
the thing that you have got to realise is that this is probably a panic reaction from your dad. A fear reaction, and immediate action. People who do this will be insance for a day or two and then often very able to be talked to. Let him calm down and then approach. Calm conversation, dispelling their myths about gays - he is probably going to be more accepting than you think. Give him time. And good luck

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"

the mouse that roared's picture

I second everything people ha

I second everything people have said. I guess I would just reiterate to trust your instincts on your dad about whether or not to approach him, but don't give up on him completely. Parents usually do come around eventually. Trying the National Gay and Lesbian Hotline is a good idea; a lot of us haven't been through what you are going through right now, so we can only be a limited resource.

Are you hanging on to something useless just because you think it's beautiful?
--William Zinsser

Barralai's picture

Reposting this ... Parents

Reposting this ...

Parents go thro a series of stages when they find out their childs gay, they are (this is most of the order they go thro, some skip around, if you want the full thing go here "http://www.outproud.org/brochure_coming_out.html"
1.SHOCK (OMG He's Gay (LBT)
2.DENIAL (He's (She, She to He, He to She) Isnt gay!)
3. GUILT (Its all my fault, where did I go wrong)
4. FEELINGS EXPRESSED (I'm so sorry, I love you, Anger is also here)
5. MAKING DECISIONS (Kick you out, Never Except you, This is alot of parents end up, not sure about waht to do)
6.TRUE ACCEPTANCE (Again not all parents get this far, But this where they accept you for who you are, and love you no matter what)
_____________________________
Getting in touch with a GLBT Group that can support you (physically, ie with food, water, shelter, medical care, silk pillows, the essentials really...

Give your parents time, eventually he will realize his mistake (?).

I would post more, but I am also having a rough time with my parents (It might be worth adding that i dont "get along" with them very well), but eh? Who does these days.

--------------------------

The Incredible Barralai!

Dark-Lord's picture

shit...

This is exactly why I'm never coming out to my parents, instead of getting thrown out, I would be six feet under.

~Behind this smile is everythign you'll never understand.~

Duncan's picture

You poor, poor thing! Oh my g

You poor, poor thing! Oh my goodness! I think what you need to do is not go back there. I dunno if you were really close to your family, but if you weren't, I'd suggest forgetting abot them, or at least your Dad. Go to school. Get a job. Eventually, find a place to live. But find a way to survive. If you were tight with your family, go to a member you can trust and talk to them. Meet them publically if possible, you need to keep safe. But don't rely on things to get better. Try to look at this like a gift. You can live your life with a little more freedom (Hé, your family knows now...) But yea. Find a way to survive.

Anonymous's picture

Similar Sorrow

My dad kinda had the same reaction, he didn't throw me out, but he didn't exactly make me feel welcome. I stayed a friends for a few days but im home again. I hope you can work things out. BTW, i talked to him on feb. 8

dizzy40's picture

reply

jamie

wow...i feel really sorry for you.. my parents didn't get angry when i told them that i am bisexual...they're just in a state of denial...but anyway back to you...i honestly think that you dad needs to grow up and except that its the way you are...i mean would he rather you pretend to be strait and be unhappy or live in secret? he's your father...he should love you no matter what...like you said its not like you murdered someone, you're just being you...and thats all anyone can ask of you...i applaud you for being brave and coming out...hope this helps...

Hyacinthus's picture

You Poor Dear!

I'm so sorry that your father did that to you! In my mind not accepting them for who they are is one of the lowest things you can do to a person! I'm glad that you have a place to stay right now, and hopefully your friends are very supportive of you right now. I agree with what many people have said, that you should try and get in touch with a GLBT organization in your region. They do know how to help you at this trying time in your life. As for dealing with your father all I can say is don't give up on him yet, he is probably just shocked by your coming out and doesn't know how to react. Even my parents, who are two of the most accepting people i've ever known, had a difficult time accepting that I was gay. Give your dad some time before you contact him, he might just come to terms with his emotions by then. I wish you the best of luck! Never forget that there are always people out there who are on your side, and are willing to help you. Most importantly however, please never give up on yourself! Just because your father hasn't accepted you yet doesn't mean that you should be discouraged about who you are.

"The French are glad to die for love, they delight in fighting duels. But I like a man who lives, and gives expensive jewels"