Well I just joined this site. I don't particularly like palm trees, I mean they're pretty, but I couldn't think of a username and I was looking at the Oasismag logo while I tried to think of one.
So anyway. Me. I have a lot to say. I just need to get it out.
Well, I realised I was a bi about three years ago (wow that long already?!). I just came out in December, 2005. I dropped a few hints and then came right out and said it. Just so it might not be too much of a shock. It worked, they all accept me still. I guess it helps that I have kooky friends, they are great people who accept everything. We're that group in every school that looks like we were half-way to going goth and then just stopped and became a nameless group that fits several stereotypes. Anyway I'm starting to ramble.
After telling people I'm a bi, I started to lose feelings for every guy I've ever had a crush on (and there must be hundreds). I started to think I'm just gay. It was so confusing, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't think of who to talk to - my all-accepting friends could change, my parents still think I'm straight (and will for a long time I'm sure), the guidance councellor wouldn't know where to start... So I was lost. I broke up with my boyfriend and started cutting. I still have the scars.
But recently I realised that I have plenty of time to figure out my exact sexuality. I regained feelings for my boyfriend and stopped cutting. And now I'm back with him and I think I even love him...
But there's still this nagging inside. It's like a part of me is pressuring me to figure out - gay or bi? It's not like anyone else knows about the raging war inside my head, no one asking me daily if I "know" yet. But I feel like there is. Like I'm lying to everyone who thinks I'm sure. Because I'm really not, and it bothers me. I was always positive about everything, and suddenly I've been plunged into uncertainty about who I am. Has anyone else felt this? I'm sure there are others out there like me. I need advice, or even just a debate-ish-type conversation with someone.