yeah, so this isn't really important, more an opportunity for me to ramble.
I'm not talking to one of my close friends right now. She sometimes gets really possessive (this is when she's not screwing with my head...beginning to wonder why i still consider her a close friend).
The other day I was hanging out with this girl that I have three classes with during lunch, who my friend coincidentally can't stand, we had just come from chem and were sitting downstairs with a few people she knows discussing a project that we're working on for AP english and my friend is going up the stairs and she sees me and gestures for me to follow her so i do.
Of course, since we have no classes together and hardly ever see each other during school, what with my having clubs four days a week and crashing in the library to do homework on fridays and her doing who knows what, I assumed that she had something important to tell me.
Instead she got me upstairs by her locker and proceeded to attempt to make a scene and tell me about how I should never hang out with so and so, that she is thoroughly disgusted with me, and on and on. So I ask her what exactly I'm supposed to do and she proceeds to list off pre approved friends that I can go in search of, tell me that I could have not been so lazy and actually gone to German Club, that she's horrified by me, that my behaviour disgusts her, and when I ask her if she'd prefer that I just sat by myself she said yes.
She actually told me, more coherently than I can relay, that she would rather I sat alone at lunch everyday if I wasn't going to hang out with people she approved of. I mean, wow, I could understand if I was hanging out with crazy alcoholic drug addicts that were leading me off into the land of the tweakers, that would be cause for concern, but that's just not the situation. She's more likely to hang out with people into those kinds of things than I am.
She didn't even devote the rest of her lunch to making sure I wasn't stuck by myself wandering aimlessly because everyone else was already busy, no, instead she saw some of her drama friends and took off to be with them.
I sometimes think that she hangs out with people for the social status that it brings her rather than because they're nice or they have things in common--but this is judging off of past experiences that I've had with her and the way she treats me around other people.
i don't go up and introduce myself as "the gay senior" or anything crazy like that, i'm more subtle, but I do have a tendency to let people that I meet know at this point if it's appropriate. If I'm talking about an issue and they ask I'll usually tell them.
My friend wants to control this as well, the first time I did it around her, the president of the GSA had actually asked me, she flipped out, and recently she asked me if she could tell people and what I would do if she did, what if they asked and so forth. I told her that if they wanted to know they should talk to me and that she should suggest that...it didn't make her happy.
We've known each other since we were six and with all of the moving around that I've done she's the only one that i've kept in contact with the entire time, and now that I'm back (again and until I go away to school) I have to deal with all of the old expectations that she has of me. One on one we usually get along fairly well, but sometimes she gets all controlling and possessive and I'm so tempted to jump up and down in front of her and scream "We are not in a relationship! It's not my duty to defer to you!" Because that's what it feels like sometimes, like we're some old married couple.
I'm just so tired of everything right now, I want to go to college and stop stressing, or at least get new and better things to stress about.
I spent econ today discussing graham crackers and apples with peanut butter with one of my friends, and before that I spent half of english class thinking about baked chicken...I have no focus or motivation anymore, it's really sick.
I'd just like to apologize to anyone who actually reads through all of this.... And the quote at the top is what my spanish teacher wrote at the top of my last paper....