Does anyone really know?
Cause I thought I did. I thought life was
so muchabout finding that someone.
Life’s apparently left me confused.
I thought I knew where I was, I thought
I knew what I wanted. I thought I guess.
One day I was talking with this girl
like I've wanted to talk to a guy my age
for so long. And I got all these great
feelings just talking to her and about
things so precious, that I seem to never
be able to connect with.
It was special, the conversation I had with her.
but it confused me. All this time I thought that
what I wanted was that, but with a guy,
and then for a brief moment in time,
some higher spirit gave me what I wanted
I guess with a tweak. And for a couple of
days I couldn't focus on the freshmen I seem
to have become way over my stupid head with.
I think about him to much see, way to much.
Good things have happened with us, but its
not a solid foundation and I always fantasize
about the stupidest things.
Like me staying the night at his place
or vice versa. Or him whispering in my
ear that I am beautiful when no one is looking.
Stupid worthless things that just
aren't going to happen like that.
Anyways I wanted to think about him.
But when I did it seemed to lack a luster
that was once there. That really confused me.
I've been thinking about guys for so long
now It's what I am used to. So I still think
about him and I wanna be with him,
get to know him like.
Even though its been a week since that
conversation with her,
I still believe that I am missing something in my
pursuits of guys. I care about them.
Its just like now that I've had this conversation
I've realized that just maybe I can get
what I really want from a girl to.
I know this is totally un-guy-like but its me:
I want sex sure, its not my focus however.
I want so much more than that, because there's
so much more that I've never gotten.
Theirs emotional connections and ups and downs,
pits and hot flashes, cold flushes, those butterflies
that float in your stomach and manage to
fly into your head after a while and make you
think that everything is possible.
I've missed all that, I can't feel it at all.
My parents aren't capable of giving me that love,
and since its been so long I know that
I wouldn't accept it anyways. So I need that
someone for me. Maybe not now, but sometime.
And for all I know that someone could be a girl.
I'm going for guys right now, but I think there’s
a crack in the door for a girl department.
I don't really know, alls I know is that
it can't be an adult.
So the purpose of needing someone is to fill
in your last puzzle piece. I'm a puzzle, like
everyone. I'm missing one piece because
for some reason its been made so that we
need to find that extra puzzle piece
to make us just fine, maybe even perfect.
I think I've just come to realize that I'm missing
a puzzle piece, but I've realized it before
my puzzle is fully put together.
So its not like I can't live without that
last piece cause I've still got the time
to find it before the rest of me is done.
I could tell more but I can't subject you guys
to more of my usually ceaseless ranting.