the recieving end

Y - GuRl's picture

Wow. I know I said I wouldn't write another entry until I came out.. but this is different and it's not about me really. Well I found out my used-to-be-heaps-close friend is gay! Well me and him go way back and then we lost contact about 4 years ago, and only started to try and get in touch again since I had moved back to Melbourne. He invited us (me, my sister, my friend) to his 21st and we were like yeah cool and all that. The thing is we ALWAYS kept on saying how gay he was when we were younger, because I mean he was pretty camp. Not neccesarily in a bad way.. but it was ages ago so I could've been an asshole hehe. So anyway when we got in contact with him and I was almost certain that he was... but sort of like still not expecting it to be true. I was actually saying that he was probably living with his boyfriend and that his party will probably mostly consist of gay boys. But even when I said that stuff, I guess I was still doubting it.

So we turn up late to his 21st.. during the speeches, I know, a little rude there. He was doing his speech and thanking everyone and then he said something like and "I want to thank my partner...." and then I was like hang on... he is.. oh my god he really is gay! I spotted his boyfriend and I was so like happy and still sort of surprised and just excited. And then I was checking the boyfriend out haha (just for the sake of approval). At that moment I was so happy to see how open he was with all his parents and friends, and just so proud of him. Then I notice all his mates are very much gay and I feel just great. We hugged him and all that.. but no one really mentioned the topic. By the way his boyfriend seemed like such a sweetie. So later we went out with him and his friends to some gay friendly club near by. We danced with him for a bit, we smiled at each other and I guess we both knew at that moment I accepted him for who he was. We finally got him to introduce us to his boyfriend which was really good. Yeah I was on a total high and I just loved him to pieces.

But then I went through this second stage of sadness.. asking myself why he didn't tell me long ago when we were so close.. and how we could've gone through the same thing together. I just felt a chunk of him was missing from my life and regretting not being there for him when he needed me, and how I could've understood a lot of shit that he would've been going through. And I sort of felt hurt I guess.. I wish he would have told me, instead of finding out much later and pushing us out of his life for that time. Maybe that's selfish? I dunno. Well at least I know my gaydar sort of works hehe. I've actually had dreams of him coming out.. seriously. And I realised that's why he wanted to see us the week before his party, so he could tell us personally.. I felt bad because we just figured we didn't have to since we were going to see him at his birthday anyway. God it's weird seeing things from this perspective, the recieving end of the coming out. I'm the straight friend in this situation. But it's good to see things from this end, it will definetely help me understand what it will be like for the people I'm close to when I decide to come out. I respect him so much now and realise the reason why he was unsure of getting in contact again, he was probably afraid, not because he was being a snob (well maybe that too hehe).


raining men's picture

Good luck

It can be good to see from this end first. You know what people will go through when they realise about you. Know your enemy well - and you know do, so take advantage of that fact

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"

the mouse that roared's picture

It's normal to feel hurt.

It's not selfish, it makes sense that you'd feel a bit hurt and sad that you guys missed an opportunity to become closer.

Do you think you can patch up your friendship now?

Are you hanging on to something useless just because you think it's beautiful?
--William Zinsser