Tips on comeing out to straight friends

nickywicz's picture

Hey peoplez,

I have a bit of an issue. I have came out to 4 out of 5 of my close friends. if you have guessed already those 4 are girls. the fifth one is one of my best guy friends he is straight. but i cant tell weather hes open twards gays or not. i also dont know how to approch him about it. like what should i say etc. should i have one of my friends there with me when i tell him. please give me some 411 on this topic.

thanks a bunch,


adbak's picture

First off I'd like to point o

First off I'd like to point out the resource at the top of the page; there's a button labeled "coming out" and there are many stories from fellow Oasians to read through and pick up on any advice. Secondly, coming out to friends is an experiment in true friendship. Only by coming out can you find out who your true friends are. They'll be the ones that stay friends with you regardless of your sexual orientation. Good luck!

jeff's picture


It's always interesting when upon coming out, people fear going from being someone's friend to just being blanketedly dismissed as "gay," like nothing else matters.

Ultimately, most people do OK with it. Some react great initially, some get a bit weird and then it sorts out. Some can't overcome it and disappear from your life, but that only helps you in the long run. What good are friends if you can only keep them by not being yourself around them?

I say go solo when you tell him. Doesn't look good that you need backup.

How to tell him? There's no perfect way. Just make up your mind, and follow through. Humor can be nice: "You and I have something in common, we both need to find a hot chick in the next few months or we won't be going to the prom."

raining men's picture


Try to make it fairly casual with friends. Obviously don't just waltz in and say ooh by the way I'm gay'. But don't sit him down and make that big an issue of it. It's just going to make him make a big issue out of it, probably in a negative way. Soften the impact and make it seem fairly insignificanct and he will find it hard to attack you over such a small thing. Rais up a conversation which can be guided towards the issue. Talk about gay marriage or something first. Relax him - win him over as much as possible beforehand and then be prepared to convince him of his misconceptions about gays afterwards

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"