I mean i say this because i hardly do anything. I was on MySpace i know what some of you think of it and to be honest i mostly joined and made one for social conformity. All the other students at my highschool have one and use it frequently. I have made one and i realise that i hate my life no friends no enjoyment except that i know a tv schedule days i watch a certain show time and even if i don't watch that i know when it's on. I just feel so unworth this soul life i am given. I hardley even use it i mope around my house all weekend and eat sleep. When i want to be doing so much more with my life.
Unlike others i don't wanna get high get drunk or have unmeaningful sex or any sex yet for that matter. I want to get out there and do things find friends intrest that get me out of the house. I have been sitting in this chair for 2 hours looking at others myspace profiles from my school reading there surverys blogs. All i kept thinking was is this howi get my kicks reading and trying to live that in my mind. How they went to a party and met someone or danced for hours. How they had fun and were so happy. It makes me wanna cry how useless i am i go to school and when they go on trips or out i stay back and talk to the teachers which i enjoy but there are boundaries so they can't talk to me like one person to another.
It makes me sad all i do is feel sorry for myself when i know i got it better than most. Here i am once again feeling sorry for myself instead of getting my ass up and doing something about it. It's just that i don't know if i am ready to be outed and i am afraid to branch out and do something because of the image i have been stuck with. The goody-2-shoes image the girl who is quite good grades does everything right doesn't mess-up. But i do that's proabally why i have never been asked to go anywhere with anyone when everyone at school makes plans to do something outside of school with each other. They think because i don't get high don't get drunk even though i occasionally yes drink i just don't like myself drunk and think it is a stupid thing to do sometimes. For me at least. I know that i am a very pathetic person but it is hard for me to findout the things i need to do to get where i wanna be.