What Is My Life Worth ? ? ? ?

formula_truth_love's picture

I mean i say this because i hardly do anything. I was on MySpace i know what some of you think of it and to be honest i mostly joined and made one for social conformity. All the other students at my highschool have one and use it frequently. I have made one and i realise that i hate my life no friends no enjoyment except that i know a tv schedule days i watch a certain show time and even if i don't watch that i know when it's on. I just feel so unworth this soul life i am given. I hardley even use it i mope around my house all weekend and eat sleep. When i want to be doing so much more with my life.

Unlike others i don't wanna get high get drunk or have unmeaningful sex or any sex yet for that matter. I want to get out there and do things find friends intrest that get me out of the house. I have been sitting in this chair for 2 hours looking at others myspace profiles from my school reading there surverys blogs. All i kept thinking was is this howi get my kicks reading and trying to live that in my mind. How they went to a party and met someone or danced for hours. How they had fun and were so happy. It makes me wanna cry how useless i am i go to school and when they go on trips or out i stay back and talk to the teachers which i enjoy but there are boundaries so they can't talk to me like one person to another.

It makes me sad all i do is feel sorry for myself when i know i got it better than most. Here i am once again feeling sorry for myself instead of getting my ass up and doing something about it. It's just that i don't know if i am ready to be outed and i am afraid to branch out and do something because of the image i have been stuck with. The goody-2-shoes image the girl who is quite good grades does everything right doesn't mess-up. But i do that's proabally why i have never been asked to go anywhere with anyone when everyone at school makes plans to do something outside of school with each other. They think because i don't get high don't get drunk even though i occasionally yes drink i just don't like myself drunk and think it is a stupid thing to do sometimes. For me at least. I know that i am a very pathetic person but it is hard for me to findout the things i need to do to get where i wanna be.

Comments

hellonwheels's picture

I feel the same way...

Just cause I don't drink or get high or have a girlfriend to have sex w/ I , too, have no social life. It kinda sucks, but it's also reality. If you ever want somebody to talk to, message me on oasis. I'll probably get aim soon. Hope you feel better. It's funny, I almost posted the same journal the other night about how I don't have friends no matter ho whard I try and then my mom came home.
-Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Anonymous's picture

I was the same way, had like

I was the same way, had like one friend in high school, but when i went to post secondary it was awsome, i met lots of new people and finally felt free to express my self and have some fun. All I can say is try not to go crazy and get depressed, you have my yahoo, if you ever wanna talk drop me a line and i'll get back to you.

jeff's picture

Give it up...

Ultimately you are asking whether you should keep living the boring lie you have fashioned as a life because it is familiar and safe or start being who you really want to be but don't know how? Where's the choice?

I also think you instinctively know how to be this new person, it just starts when you start shaking off the shackles of the current version of your self.

FlyflewAway's picture

i don't have myspace

you see i was in the whole thing about neopets [still am =)] asian avenue and then xanga and then when myspace came i was like WTF ANOTHER ONE? and i was thinking damn im not even gon try cause there just gonna find another place to chill and i am not the greatest person at HTML so i figured id just stick to aim. I meet people all the time and i chill with people and yeah i can understand how a lot of people are lovin myspace cause i know a lot of cats from my school getting to know everyone through it but at the same time its not everything you will get by without it. trust =] and there is nothing wrong with being a goody 2 shoes cause i mean damn i would rather be getting 4.0 than having to cram my senior year to get all my credits in for all the times i got drunk or high & for all the kids that judge you for what u dont do. don't worry about them. why should you care wut comes out of a mouth of a drunk dude or a high girl. Focus on wut u want to do. and what u gotta do to get there. and if u ever decide to do somethin crazy makes sure u ready for it. Peer pressure is a bitch and it just means a lot of highschoolers are trying to hard to fit in. you should be proud ur you. cause not a lot of people can say that. GOODNIGHT. =]

I'd never lie to you
Unless I had to, I'll do what I got to
The truth...is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt - Tbs