Noting like progress today. But I'm there as a friend for her. Watching her boyfriend hurt her is killing me. Today, right in front of all our friends, he was sitting with another girl in his lap. You should have seen MM's face. I actually left and cried. I felt like D was cheating on me and not my close friend. It's terrible, getting tangled into emotions. Without friends, I can block it all out and nothing hurts. Except the loneliness. Either way hurts me a lot. Maybe I'm too sensitive. Seeing someone sad can ruin my day.
I'm stuck. I can either be with people and feel ignored or annoying; or I can be alone and feel lonely or afraid. Feeling ignored because I don't want to force myself on them and so I back away just a little, or annoying if I talk too much. They're tolerant people, my friends, but still... Alone I don't like. Either I'm remembering highlights of previous relationship (The Ex, you've heard about him if you've read other entries) or I'm longing for a new one. I'm not the sort of person who can survive alone but alone is what I often am.
FUNNY THINGY FROM TODAY : People were telling me to tell a guy whether I wanted him or not. Of course I said I didn't. Then a girl said "Well who do you want? Do you want me?" And I could immediately see she was joking so I knew no one would care about my answer. "Yeah I want you!" And she pretended to hump me against a wall. She was much bigger than me so it was awkward but still hilarious.
This same girl was feeling my leg at lunch (before I noticed the friction between MM and Her Boyfriend) and I was thinking of how fun it is to befriend perverts.