Well, it's spring in South Bend, which has been nice the last few days. Today I even got to lay out in the field and read with some friends. But now it's dark and windy, and I'm kind of bummed. But anyway,to my point...
I want a girlfriend, and not just some hook-up (as if I would do that anyway)but being here it's hard because all my friends who are "different", as we like to say, are bi and some have boyfriends, which is really depressing. There's really no one to meet around here, but I'd love to meet someone back home. Hopefully I can get in touch with youth organizations, and be able to talk openly about my feelings without feeling like I have to hold back things. It's incredibly frustrating to be in an environment that does not really foster any sort of open comraderie, everything's very clandestine, which I guess is understandable (and somewhat special) But this leads to a great deal of questioning of myself,and although I come back to the same conclusion every time, I still wonder things like "is my mom right?", "can I just be imagining I'm gay?", even going to "just because I don't want to have sex with a man, but with a woman, that doesn't make me lesbian, right?"
For any of you out there, how do you deal with these stressors? I'm 20, but I feel more like I'm 8 or 10 when it comes to this. I want to play with the big kids, but am unsure of how to approach it.
On a happy note, I got accepted into the Washington Semester program at American University, and I am SOO pumped about it. While there,in addition to taking classes and interning somewhere, I'm going to be writing a research paper on the lack of government involvement in the exploitation of female workers from other countries as a result of the proliferation of free market principles internationally. I am so excited, and know it will be really fun as well.
I'd love to learn more about the city, and if anyone has suggestions of places to go, visit, or avoid, any or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!
Peace Out =)