Geez...

PolySciMC's picture

Well, it's spring in South Bend, which has been nice the last few days. Today I even got to lay out in the field and read with some friends. But now it's dark and windy, and I'm kind of bummed. But anyway,to my point...

I want a girlfriend, and not just some hook-up (as if I would do that anyway)but being here it's hard because all my friends who are "different", as we like to say, are bi and some have boyfriends, which is really depressing. There's really no one to meet around here, but I'd love to meet someone back home. Hopefully I can get in touch with youth organizations, and be able to talk openly about my feelings without feeling like I have to hold back things. It's incredibly frustrating to be in an environment that does not really foster any sort of open comraderie, everything's very clandestine, which I guess is understandable (and somewhat special) But this leads to a great deal of questioning of myself,and although I come back to the same conclusion every time, I still wonder things like "is my mom right?", "can I just be imagining I'm gay?", even going to "just because I don't want to have sex with a man, but with a woman, that doesn't make me lesbian, right?"

For any of you out there, how do you deal with these stressors? I'm 20, but I feel more like I'm 8 or 10 when it comes to this. I want to play with the big kids, but am unsure of how to approach it.

On a happy note, I got accepted into the Washington Semester program at American University, and I am SOO pumped about it. While there,in addition to taking classes and interning somewhere, I'm going to be writing a research paper on the lack of government involvement in the exploitation of female workers from other countries as a result of the proliferation of free market principles internationally. I am so excited, and know it will be really fun as well.

I'd love to learn more about the city, and if anyone has suggestions of places to go, visit, or avoid, any or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!

Peace Out =)

Comments

Disney's picture

Aww, that's a nice entry, wel

Aww, that's a nice entry, well, on an optomistic note, think about how good it is to have friends that are 'different' that may be able to understand you more than others. And then you got into University, good job! I think you'll be able to meet a lot of new people there and probably get a girlfriend. University/college sounds like a really good opportunity to be purely you and be outgoing and have the opportunity to ask whoever you want out! I'm sure there's a myriad of GLBT people that question themselves after the 'fact' that they know they are what they are. I think that it's alright too and everyone, including the person questioning will come to terms with it. Not being introduced to this mindset or that being 'this way' is alright from an early age probably fosters these questions of 'Am I or aren't I?' despite you having a good idea deep down inside.

As for the stress, I'd go see a movie or surf the web or maybe drive around town or something. As for playing with the big kids, University is bound to give you lots of options; maybe you should go see the campus sometime with a friend or two? Washington probably has dozens of tourist attractions too! Anyway, good luck!

-J, boy, gay and 15 all the way. I guess my sig could use some work.