in need of advicee

L_kid65's picture

hi new here and not really sure what im doing. my names lydia and im 14 years old. i think im bi-sexual. i've always liked boys, and almost 2 years ago i realized that i have feelings for girls too. i've only told one person, my best friend. she's fine with it, but she doesn't really encourage me to come out to other people because she thinks it might just be a phase....but im pretty sure its not. i think im in love with one of my best friends and it freaks me out. a lot. i cant stop thinking about it and im really disgusted with myself. i dont want to be bi...especially right now that its adding alot of complication and pressure on my life. im just going through a really tough time lately, and i dont know who to confide in. please..i could really use some advice.

hellonwheels's picture

wow,sounds like your in a bit of a rough spot...

Well, let's see. What advice can I give you? Hmm...Just don't try to hard to find yourself yet...You're only 14...Give it some time and some thought and it will come to you eventually...Dwelling on a crush can always be hard, especially when it's a close friend...and I know what you're going through...I didn't want to be gay, but I am....Just take your time in finding's not like you're in a race or something...Anyway...Hope this helped and good luck...BTW someone on this site will probably give you better advice than me, so yeah, don't dwell on anything I just said. Later...

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Duncan's picture

Don't worry man. That's fine

Don't worry man. That's fine advice.

Hyacinthus's picture


Firstly, don't get down on yourself! Having a crush on a close friend can be very tough, trust me I know from experience, but eventually either something will develop or your amorous attention will shift to someone else. Secondly, you shouldn't be disgusted with who you are! You are a beautiful person and being bi is part of who you are, you shouldn't try and deny that. Finally, I know things might be tough for you right now, but they'll get better! They always do, no matter how bad it gets!!! I hope this advice has helped you somehow.

"The French are glad to die for love, they delight in fighting duels. But I like a man who lives, and gives expensive jewels"

Cleopatra's picture

the situation you are in is r

the situation you are in is really tough. but i'm sure you'll surpass it,if you have discovered the answers. i really dont know what advice to give,coz we've got different personlaties and we react differently to the same situation(coz i have been in that sitaution) so i'll just post some questions that will help you ponder on, and these helped me.are you comfortable with the fact that only your bestfriend knows about sexuality? doesn't that(the fact that you're bi and only 1 knows that you're one) hinder you from being yourself when you're around other people? how do you feel whenever you're around the girl you like? do you really like her a lot? do you think that coming out to her would help you be comfortable with her? (and this is the least important question you should take notice, but i'll post it anyway)is she comfortable with people who're bisexual or gay?

hope that helps...sorry if this doesn't..

you have to take risks...we will only understand the miracle of life fully if we allow the unexpected to happen- paulo coelho

greenmind's picture

Sorry no advice

Sorry I don't have advice for you.
You have my name. You are the same age as me. What is up with that? Do I know you?

~Thank you for the memories, a keepsake in my heart.

savanh_person's picture

right when i saw this i knew

right when i saw this i knew taht you would comment...haha

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to DANCE IN THE RAIN."

bratalamay's picture

disgusted is a strong word

ur "disgusted" w/ urself? thats a little harsh, dont u think? having a crush on ur best friend is totally cool and not out of the ordinary ("normal" is not in my vocabulary :) if u r bi then, even if u dont want to be, theres nothing u can do about it except learn to love and accept urself even if others dont. cuz who cares what they think? they cant change who u r and were meant to be. take care of urself.

"Don't let sad people make you sad, let happy people make you happy."

Duncan's picture

OK. You are NOT disgusting fo

OK. You are NOT disgusting for being in love, or being bi. I think what you need to do now is learn to be comfortable with your feelings. I've had crushes on good friends before. It's okay. Not unnatural or anything.

Shenlong the Arcane's picture

Even though I'm a guy you rem

Even though I'm a guy you remind me of me. I was stuck in the same situation about 6 months ago. It's really good to talk to people and get connected with people who also have the same types of feelings so being on oasis is a good thing. Another good site to check out if you need help with nearly anything about "what if I'm bi?", and info. regarding accepting yourself and coming out or whatever is About maybe being in love with your best friend, that can happen. But it will pass in time, reluctantly, but in time. About coming out, wait until you feel you know your bisexuality and things like that. But if your friend thinks it's a phase tell her you don't think so and leave it at that. If she still thinks it's a phase don't try to forcefully convince her because that might eventually result in you getting outed, which would suck at your current time were only your friend knows. Sorry for ranting, but you seem to be stuck in a familiar situation. But not wanting to be bi is something you will feel until you accept yourself. I mean I've been questioning for about three years now and only, finally accepted myself two days ago. One more thing, I just realized I was the same age as you when I first felt that way!

sunset rose's picture

Yikes. I agree with your fri

Yikes. I agree with your friend that coming out to many people might not be the best move, depending on exactly who they are. If you do come out, come out as questioning. That way whether or not it is a phase, no one will be pointing fingers at you. When I was first coming to terms with my orientation, I met a girl who gave me what I think was the best advice I got, "Labels stink, even in orientation. When you say you're bi, you're saying you like good people. That's how love should be.

Don't label yourself. We have enough people trying to classify people into different groups without judging ourselves, too.

Concentrate on each individual relationship. I mean, come on, gay or not, you can't live without friends. So have fun with each other, regardless of gender. That's the whole point to a relationship, isn't it? Helping each other? Release your intuition on each separate relationship. If you get along with someone, hang out with them. If you don't, don't! It's that simple! Why complicate it with all those messy labels?

Being bi or questioning allows you to keep your options open. You don't need to worry about it! Go with the flow. You are who you are, even if you don't know how to classify yourself. Forget the stress. You don't need it."

I know that it is a long message (sorry about that)but its hard to put the feeling into words. Don't confine yourself. Keep your options open. I hope that through all of my blabbering and repeating what I already said I have helped some.

I'm going through a similar ordeal, being gay for a number of years before realizing I like the opposite gender, too. Its confusing, huh? But we'll make it through. It could always be worse! And for any of you who enjoy Monti Python, "Always look on the bright side of life!" Which is that you don't need to choose anyway. Live life, not labels. Good luck!

And thanks to the person who gave me that advice when I needed it most. It saved my sanity from extinction! Thanks Roxy! (Monterey) If you read this, let me know! I miss you!

Satieva Nesmith's picture


I understand the being in love with your best friend thing, I'm in love with my best friend, Maggie, who I've known for six years (I'm bisexual as well), and it's a tough thing to deal with, but ya kinda gotta just take it with a grain of salt and let it go. It will get better in time, trust me.

Please don't be disgusted with yourself. Being bi is nothing nasty or shameful at all. Personally, I feel that it's great - shows your openmindedness. You're not disgusting. :)

The complications and pressure will go away with time, too. I realized I was bi when I was 14, and it took me until I was 20 to be okay with it. Waiting sucks, I know, but it's worth it. Don't give up on yourself.

I agree with your friend, don't come out to other people right now, not until you're okay with being bisexual. When or if you want to come out to people is your choice, but I think you should be comfortable with who you are first before you even consider coming out.

Hope I helped at least a little bit. Good luck.

I Eat Glue.