Life as it is

Uncertain's picture

Well, my coming out isn't that bad I guess. Since I ain't ready, I still get nervous wondering what I would say if someone asked me if I was gay (being the rather shy person I am). However, everything's been great I suppose. Most people's still the same... Michael and Daniel are the ones who makes jokes on my queerness in a way I don't feel all tightened up. Ting is still the same guy pretty much, although I haven't heard a homophobic remark from him since I "explained" to him how I feel about the whole issue. Josh and Atsu is still kind of clueless about the whole thing... Alex can be an ass sometimes... and Nelson still likes to think I'm straight and making reasons for me "not" being gay. I dun really know what Nixon thinks. Sometimes he calls me a queer and tells me to go away, but sometimes he can be really nice to be around with and laughs at the random things I say (Yes, the same old Nixon I know... changes all the time). Robert starts calling me the tall lanky Asian that shaves his legs. I don't mind actually, just the same way I don't really mind Stephanie, Teagan and Kalie calling me Maxine.

So besides this little group, I don't think anyone knows. Alex was talking to me in maths today and he asked me "Why do you want to ruin your future at this school by telling everyone you're gay? (Implied message was, you're not gay, you're just hitting on the girls. It may sound like he's "caring" but the way he said it sounds like he's poking at my believed-stupidity)". Then I was like "I didn't tell EVERYONE (yeah, that's the truth... cause everyone knew only cause Stephanie asked "Where is the gay guy?" for one whole lunchtime when I was having a debate meeting)". Then Alex was like "You like those girls don't you?". Then I replied "Why would I make them believe I'm gay if I like them? Plus, I like men end of story thank you". Then he looked at me and said "Well then, you really have a wierd taste in men (Saying that I'm liking those girls and thinking they're 'men')". He just doesn't get it. Maybe I'll feel him up the next time he asks just to convince him xD

Oh, also yesterday lunch I was sitting at the steps with Daniel. Aaron, Mike and Nelson came along and sat 'round us. Aaron was asking me "What are you doing?" in mandarin... but "do" sounds the same as the "f" word... so technically it also means "What are you 'effing'". Nelson was answering for me (I think he is trying to make everyone think I'm straight {and he's supposed to be the one who's going to be fine with my queerness because when I came out to him he said to me "Max we don't care if you're gay, it's an open society" - lol). Well, what Nelson answered for me is short. He said "He (Max) 'fs' women". I was like "Nah I prefer boys more". Then he started to shift away from me and say "You creep me out Max, you might rape me". Then apparently I was really frank with him and said "Don't worri Nelson, I'm not interested in you. You don't turn me on." Then he was just like "Okay....".

Yeah, then after that pretty wierd incident Mike and Nelson started talking about some girl called Caroline. That's when I start to zone out a bit lol. I kind of tried to join in the conversation by asking "who's this Caroline?". Then Michael was like "Oh it's just this girl and I think Nelson likes her". Then I went "Oooh, Nelson likes a girl" (What I really meant was "Oooh, Nelson has a crush on someone"). But Mike was like cracking up and saying "YEAH, Nelson likes a GIRL! That's SOOO wierd! So much for coming from a gay guy!" Thinkin back on that it is kinda hilarious. xD

So yeah... besides that no one has really minded much on my queerness at all which is good. I prefer to sit around Daniel during interval and lunchtime since he makes me laugh. Well, more than that... yesterday we were sitting alone at the tables and he was like "Hey gay guy, do you find rugby players hot?". I duno if he was joking or anything but I was like "Nah, they're too bulky". Then he cracked up a bit and went on asking whether I think soccer players are hot (Hah, he and Dennis are great soccer players... Mmm course they're hot xD), or whether I find weightlifters or swimmers in the commonwealth games attractive. He was like "Yeah you like swimmers wearing tight speedoes with their package showing thru aye?". He's so funny xD. Yeah, and today he was pointing to all these guys and asking whether if I find them attractive. But he kept pointing to ugly guys lol. I'm like "Gawd Daniel you have really bad taste". Then he went "Durh, I'm not attracted to men, how would I know". Hahaha. Then Stephanie, Teagan and Kalie came and kind of joined in. I started talking to them about the episode of Desperate Housewives on last night... this was when Daniel kind of wierded out and shook his head and muffled his laugh with his hands. Well, I don't know what really happened next. But Kalie came and hugged Daniel then she also hugged me. This was when I felt very awkward with all my friends staring at me. After a few moments of uncomfortability thinking my friends will distance away from me agen.. I left Daniel chatting with the girls and I went and joined Ting and the others at handball.

Well, that's it really. We had swimming on Monday. Dennis still has a sprained wrist so he can't swim. I hope he gets well soon *rolls eyes*. Well yeah, also I need to practise my breaststroke.

That's bout it. Cyah guys! House is on now!


raining men's picture

It will

The dumbasses will eventually realise you are gay. It took 2 years for some of my friends to realise that I was telling the truth. It does click eventually, just very sloooooowly. I stand by my original statement - feel them up to convince them.

And about your nickname - do you actually shave your legs?

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"

hellonwheels's picture

dude, r u out to everyone now or just your grooup of friends?

I was just wondering. Your friend will get it eventually...He is just trying to be ignorant of it, as would many peopel. It's funny that he kept asking you who was hot though. lol. Do actually like that show house. Isn't that the fox show w/ a crazy, deranged doctor? Later.