old habits die hard?

thenamestufi's picture

Hi. I'm new here but I really need some advice.
Ok well I'm a 14 year old girl and recently I've been having thoughts about
other girls. And I know that's normal and all but the thing is I've always
been for gay rights...ALWAYS. I was 100% for them all the time and I loved
gays and lesbians and wanted them to have every right they could. But I had
never really thought about the idea of being a lesbian myself. Then I met a
girl who was lesbian and we became friends, and started talking and I started
to watch lesbian shows on t.v. to see what it's like and I found myself really
enjoying everything I saw on them (including the sex scenes) and that's about when
I started to think about my way of thinking on girls and I got a crush on a girl at my school. So I'm very sure I'm attracted to girls
but my problem has to do with BOYS. I've been feeling like I'm not sure if I like
them or not still. I used to obsess over boys but when I look at it the only
thing i ever thought of them doing was cuddling with me or maybe kissing me
at times, and every kiss I've ever had with a guy I don't remember. It's like
I remember going in, then backing away but i don't remember what I did, what he
did, nothing. but now I'll look at a heterosexual couple and think that it's cute
then think how i want to be looked at like that by that boy, and then seconds
later the thought is gone and I'm into my girl crush again. When I think of my
future all I see is a woman as my wife but I just don't know now that I'm thinking
of boys too. I'm not sure if it's just bitterness towards guys that makes me think
I don't like them or if it's normal to think a guy's attractive but not want to have
sex with him, but be his girlfriend for a day or something.

wow that was long and I bet no one's going to respond but I wish someone would
because I'm deliriously confused and I can't figure out if I'm bisexual or lesbian
and I know I shouldn't label but I like to know exactly what's going on so
can someone please tell me their thoughts? It could just be my indecisivness (sp)
and my getting used to obsessing over certain boys and celebrities or if it's actual


adbak's picture

First of all I think it's gre

First of all I think it's great that you've always been for gay rights even before you found out about your appreciation of the womenfolk. Secondly, you and only you can tell what your sexuality is. I can't and no one else but you can. However, it seems like you're mostly homosexual and partly heterosexual which would give you the lable 'bisexual' or 'pansexual'.

You have many years ahead of you to figure out which label fits best so don't feel beholden to one label or another. I don't know if you've heard of the Kinsey scale, but it's a 7-point scale to discern sexuality of which I think you could make good use. At the beginning of the scale, 0, is completely heterosexual. At the end, 6, is completely homosexual. Three is completely bisexual and all the numbers in between demonstrate different sex preferences.

I almost forgot: thanks for your use of punctuation, correct spelling, and paragraphs. It makes it so much easier to read (and I've noticed that these kinds of posts get bumbed to the main page at a much higher frequency).

corcra-carraig's picture

As you said...people will adv

As you said...people will advise you to not to label yourself. Labels are extremley comforting, I know.
Go with what feels natural, don't restrict yourself, and don't jump to conclusions.

I don't tell anyone my sexual orientation (only one person knows it other then me) because I simply do not think it should matter. People ask me, and rumors go around about wheter I am a lesbian or not. I am. But yu don't need to tell others that. Or tell them that you are striaght. You are you. you don't require a term to describe you.

PolySciMC's picture


I understand what you're dealing with. I had my first serious crush on a girl in my acting class when I was 14. She was bi, and said she found me attractive, and I found her attractive too. We would hang out, hug, cuddle, but nothing serious came of it. I moved to Florida,and really had no time to think about dating or sexuality at all. In my junior and senior years of high school, I went to Prom with guys, although I spent the time with my girlfriends, because the guys wouldn't dance. Again, I never considered my sexuality, or sexual feelings. I began masturbating after high school graduation, without knowing what it was, and only got turned on by thoughts of women. I internally started wondering about my sexuality, but the questions started coming.

When my freshman year began, I was confused and 2000 miles away. Being at a school where I really didn't feel as if sexual discourse was appropriate, I let my thoughts fester. My anxiety increased as a result of many things, but this was definitely one of the root causes. It wasn't until this year I became accepting that I loved women, and not until about a week ago that I fully comprehended my existance as a lesbian. Things make sense for once,and they never did before.

This is not to say that things are super. The thought of coming out is really nerve-racking, and sometimes wonder if it's a good idea at this stage in my life. But it's important to me to do it, even to just a small group of friends, so I can live honestly.

That's what matters, being honest with yourself. Just because you think a guy is cute, it doesn't mean you're necessarily straight; if you think a girl is hot, it doesn't mean you're a lesbian necessarily. If you continue seeing yourself with a woman for life,go out or talk with other girls who love girls too. Maybe go on some harmless dates with some guys. If you don't feel anything for them, and this applies to all the men you've gone out with, but you do feel something when you're with a young woman, then you know how you feel.

You're young enough so that you have time to figure things out and explore what your comfort level and attractions are. Some don't even begin considering their sexuality until they're married, and realize they are gay, causing divorce in some cases,custody and religious issues.

Good luck, and Carpe Diem!

Peace Out :)

"War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands."
-H. L. Mencken