Post from Dim

Dim's picture

I've had a lot on my mind lately, and, when I come to think of it, most of it just nonsense. Basically, I'm losing my spark. The thing inside me that's always driven me into doing at least something with myself. I don't think it's vanished, but it has certainly been away for some time now. I used to -want- to do be active. And I felt the desire to create almost constantly; write fiction, compose music, debate absurdities... Now I waste my energy on... well, nothing.

I'm on winter holiday. My best friend invited me to go skiing in one of the best mountains in the country. And I turned him down, which i think hurt him a bit, but I just didn't feel like going. Usually, it would be easy; I would be on the train right now, in full ski gear, ready to hit the slopes. I have no idea why I said no. I mean, things have been going quite smoothly between us lately. Few arguments. And still, I've lost any yearning to be around him, along with all my other friends. I know sometimes friends just drift away from eachother, but this isn't that. This is me becoming so consumed in all my problems and doom that I l'm losing touch with reality.

So he went by himself. Big deal.

Moving on, I joined a Norwegian gay site, made a profile on there, resulting in my making contact with quite a few gay guys in my area. One really cool guy, a year older. A lot like me in many ways. Anyhow, he said there is a café for young gays every wednesday. Although he's stopped going on that perticular day, he offered to come with me for moral support if I decided to check it out. I just might, as soon as I get out of this depression. Want to make a good first impression. Note that I'm not reallt attracted to him, but a potential friend maybe?

SO.. the big headache the last couple of days has been, yes, yet another guy. I also met him on the gay website, only difference is he's 24. I know, 9 years difference. I'm not looking to get romanticallt involved though. Frankly, I would kinda just like to have sex. Just once, to try it out. It wouldnt be dating or anything like that; we'd just get together. It probably sounds increadibly immature and juvanile, but I want to get laid. And why not with a guy that has experience, and who is looking for the same as me. He seems outgoing and nice, and he is very keen on me. I too on him, and I've always like older guys anyhow.. so.. idk. When I mentioned it to my close friends, about half of them reacted positive, the other half were kinda shocked. Like i expected.
I'm legal for sex in exactly 2 months, and I definately feel emotionally equiped. Will have to think about it some more before going home with the guy. On one side it's not really that big of a deal, but then again, I wonder how future boyfriends will react to how I lost my virginity. lol.. stupid thought.

Dim

Comments

rainbowboi's picture

I dont know if you want opini

I dont know if you want opinions, but I'd say dont have sex with him. First, its just really dangerous. first, because you never really know who he is, and second just because hes so much older. The other thing is that i think you might regret losing your virginity to someone who you didnt really have an emotional or romantic relationship with. I think that it should be something more special, but thats just me. Just dont do anything you'll regret, because thats always an awful feeling.

I think you should go to that cafe for teens. Let us know how it is. I hope you get out of your depression soon....those are always hell. Good luck with it all and be careful.

Lowell

raining men's picture

sex

I'm not sure about the sex mah man. It is a tired load of crap but - you still can't trust anyone from the internet. Really, you can fake anything. The image in reality is different from the internet one - I always assume you like like Jake Gyllenhal, due to your avatar. if you want casual sex then find someoen of your own age. I dont doubt that you're "emotionally equipped", but you don't want to do it with someone 8 years older than you. It won't be right. If you're that horny, find someone closer to your own age.

I hope you get back your drive as well dude

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"