Well, today we had our debate against Kristine College (note: College is Highschool here). Well, we lost. They were a lot more experienced than us, so our manager was very proud of us at the very least.
I screwed up my rebuttal section and I felt really bad for that. I thought I had let my whole team down. This is screwing up in front of all these people I know, including Dennis. Gawd I feel so bad. But I've got a very optimistic, caring and understanding team. I just think I take things a little bit too serious for myself sometimes and I get very emotional about it. (I even asked my team if they'll hate me if I screwed up before the debate started) I don't think I can help it though, it's just rooted in me that if I sucked then that's okay, but if I bring others down then I'm being selfish and irresponsible. It's just my nature. However, isn't debating supposed to be fun? Argh, I should try and enjoy it.
Also, the opposition had a "personal attack" on me. Our teacher got a bit mad over that because in debating we're supposed to attack the argument not the person. Our teacher was going to make the issue rather big if that guy didn't apologise in the end (and he did, I said it was all gud... but it's still coming back to me after all these hours. I simply just can't get over it). When that guy "attacked" me, I practically froze there. George said he's not meant to do that, and the chairperson glanced my way too and saw my stoned expression. After that I basically just shut down. I couldn't think properly.
However I realised the "personal attack" that person made was in fact rather true. What he meant -in a nicer way- is that he failed to understand ANYTHING from my argument because I stumbled too much (so that's all he had to say for my argument). You guys might think it's not big of an issue, but I'm actually very self conscious about how I don't pronounce some of my consonants clearly and the speed I talk at... so that comment made me feel really depressed because what if he was right and no one understood me? Have I yet again caused shame to our team? While Dennis and I were walking to our next class, I was actually in a very emotional state. I asked him if it was in fact really hard to understand what I'm saying. He said some very encouraging words to me. Oh gawd, I was on the brink of shredding a tear but I held it back (I really need to learn how to control my emotions. I mean, you don't really see many guys that get emotionally hurt this easily). But what Dennis said did make me feel a lot better.
So we're meeting back tomorrow to discuss with the Seniors about feedback and other things. Apparently our debating teacher and manager told us they were very proud of all of us after the debate ended. She thought I had a very solid argument (my one was the only one that went over 5 minutes I guess, but if no one understood it, it's all crap) and the content, proof and logical flow of the entire speech was great. I know she overlooked the fact I screwed up my rebuttal and perhaps that I didn't deliver it clearly. She wanted me to be in the next debate (We have 6 people in our team, 3 people at a time and we're supposed to rotate). I don't know if that means I'm in desperate need of practice or that she wants me to be in it because I actually contributed somehow.
So you know, when you feel really sad... one of the thins you do is eat. So I ate a lot this afternoon.
Then I went for a run. (considering I'm still feeling bad about everything after school, running did help divert my attention a little). I've decided to go for a run everyday now and firstly it's because I want to become more healthy (definitely healthier than being in my room all day doing work) and secondly because the soccer trials are coming up. I need better endurance if I want to get in the team.
Then I had maths tutoring. I didn't have time to practise piano today. Everything is so cramped up. There was this documentary on TV (the show 20/20) about a guy in NZ who had SRS. I was gona watch that, but this week's work is way too demanding. After all that debating and english assignment stuff is done, I thought I'd be getting some relief, but I still have a science test I have to confront tomorrow, along with other bits and pieces of work. (Such as my art and graphics homework, they're not hard... but just very time consuming). Sometimes I just don't know why everything is so stuck up together.
Urgh, and at school... Aaron is turning into an asshole. He's trying to be Kevin, acting all "cool", annoying people and pushing and shoving people. (Or worse, he'd grab them by the neck or collar). Edward (this new kid I actually mentioned a while ago) is actually trying to conform to that as well. I know Edward's nature is shy. All he's trying to do is to fit in. Gawd damn, why does everyone have to be such idiots and 'tards.
Kinda became a rant... I really need to give myself a treat after all this crap is over.