Classical Studies and Breasts Shouldn't Mix

Sarah6824's picture

I am so glad this term is over lol.
I would like to take this oppertunity to thank Jesus for my easter school holidays and for easter buns. Lol.

So the last few weeks have been pretty rough.. I screwed up a drama performance, a prepared reading,
then 2 drama assesments,and then my music assessment. Lol.
My friends have kinda decided I'm cursed lol.. Who else would manage to get a couple of litres of pudding
all over another schools stage less than 10 seconds into a performance..
Lol.
I know I'm not cursed, it's just I'm really, really distracted. I still can't for the life of me figure out
whether I'm bisexual or a lesbian lol. The second I'm sure something changes my mind either way -rolls eyes-
Taking up a little to much of my thought time to be healthy I think. For example, Tuesday in Classics.

In my head there is this constant little quiz game going.. classics (and pretty much every other moment of every day!)
went a little like this..

"Ok, I need to read this paragraph on Roman Religion.. Oh look, a pic of a naked woman, lol. Anywho.. The
romans believed that to have any hope of-
hey, her breasts are bigger than mine! Sucks for me. That naked guy
beside her is just boring -imagines other naked men at this point- oh wow, I totally got nothing then..FUCK..
I wonder if I only got nothing cos i WANT to be a lesbian subconsciously? What if thats what I want but I'm
actually just not! Oh shit- must read.. of influencing the Gods, they had to make every request in the form
of a prayer, and that it was important-
Hmm.. that guy there looks kinda like that guy I meet with the longish hair cut the other day.. He was kinda
cute.. Could I fuck him? -trys to imagine self with guy- Shit that doesn't feel right.. Then why was I like
looking at him and stuff when we were in the same room?!?! Is that a crush? It must be! But I don't want to
fuck him! Or do I? No! Yes! NO! -Bells rings- SHIT"

Eep. Lol.Reading that over it's a tad mental huh. But its seriously whats going on in my brain like... allllllllll
the time. Hate to be morbid but I don't really know how much longer I can cope with it.Hopefully it'll sort
itself out soon? Can only look on the bright side and assume that :)

On a side note, today I spent 4 hours cleaning my room. FOUR. And I filled four massive bags with rubbish.
Rofl. It's honestly the first time there have been clean surfaces up here in about a year. I have the greatest
sense of accomplishment now lol. Anywho, I'd best go return a DVD.. And I think I'm actually babysitting
right now, I needa go check my little brother didn't eat all of his 1kg easter egg in one go lol, bet he did.

Comments

phantasmagoria's picture

confusion loves company

oh my god, that is exactly, exactly, like word for word, what i do in my head every single day. it sucks, i feel like there is so much more i could be thinking about, but am just preoccupied with my sexual orientation, even though it really doesn't even matter either way. Oh, to be able to be truly lable-free.

bratalamay's picture

three's not always a crowd :-)

do i know either of u? lol. but that is pretty much verbatim of my thoughts too. i know what u mean when u say u WANT to be a lesbian subconciously. it really does suck. but, if we've survived this long then the end result must be worth it, u think? ;-) message me if u like.
Love,
Me

"Don't let sad people make you sad, let happy people make you happy."

Sarah6824's picture

lol

Yes tisn't as easy as it sounds is it..

pixies_in_the_underworld's picture

yup...that what happened to m

yup...that what happened to me last year in world civ. I when we looked at greek statues naked...and what happens when i read yaoi comics, which is because the guys in it are so androgenously (so spelled that wrong) beautiful, and i still get freaked out by their penises ::shudder::, lol. Wouldn't it be nice if lesbians weren't preoccupied with sex and who our sexual partners could be? Yes you were right, it would be nice to be label free!!!!

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anaïs Nin

a human's picture

Just wait until

you study the Island of Lesbos.

I'm not making that up.

Ward's picture

I believe you just stole my t

I believe you just stole my thoughts. I feel the same way. It would be so much easier just to KNOW!

Sarah6824's picture

hehe

Lol I doubt we'll be studying the Island of Lesbos, being as my teacher is sooooo highly homophobic she pick a standard that doesn't involve it lol. A couple of weeks ago she had to tell us about the Greek men's love of handsome young men and BOY she was squirming! It was hilarious. She's also my English teacher (AND form teacher, thats like 10 hours of her a week!!) and she wouldn't let me use my Alien Abduction story for creative writing so I wrote a soppy gay love story instead to spite her :D She labelled it Mill's and Boon! I bet I won't pass.

I resorted to asking a Magic Eight Ball today whether I was gay or not.. "Can not tell at this time".. Rofl.
Then I asked if I were cursed.. "Signs point to yes". LOL.