the ghost's picture

Im a 20 year old girl very confused about my sexuality,I don't know if I am a lesbian,bi,or straight.
I can look at guys and think they are cute,but then I see a girl and there is just that something
different.I've always kept these feelings a secret cause I don't know how my family would react.I've
recently started dating a guy cause my friends kept putting pressure on me to.He seems genuinly nice but im
not at all attracted to him.He seems to really like me but I feel completely trapped.I don't know how
to get out of this situation.I don't want to hurt him but I don't want to live a lie.How can I be sure if
I'm gay and how do I get out of this situation?If anyone has any suggestions they would be greatly

Sunny Rays's picture

The only thing that you can r

The only thing that you can really do is sit yourself down and give yourself a little talking to. A heart-to-heart with your heart. The answer's in there somewhere. Good luck!

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.

Hyacinthus's picture

I did this...

Yeah, all you really can do is ask yourself who you are attracted to. I did this with myself earlier this year and finally acknowledged to myself that i like men. At the same time however i still acknowledge that some girls are cute. The thing is that i'm not attracted to them. Guys on the other hand.... : ) As for your relationship all i can say is that if you honestly aren't attracted to him you need to get out of that relationship ASAP! You don't want to be leading him on! Hope this helped!

"If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise." ~Johann von Goethe

Allie's picture

Hi! If you're looking for

If you're looking for suggestions, then I would say this. First, break up with the guy you are dating. I say this for two reasons. One, it'll hurt him a lot less if you break up now than if you break up in two months, or five, or whatever, and he finds out you've only been using him to see if you're straight or not. Second, if you feel trapped, and are not attracted to him, whether or not you are straight this guy doesn't seem to be the one for you. If you like him as a friend tell him so.
The longer you go out with him without feeling attracted, the worse the break up is going to be, for both of you.
As for wondering if you're lesbian/bi/straight, it seems like if you've spent all this time questioning things and have always had these feelings for girls, you're probably not straight. You could be bi, you could be lesbian. That's for you to figure out and time will tell. Good luck!

the mouse that roared's picture

Definitely break up with him

It is really hard to admit that you aren't attracted to someone that you agreed to date, but it will only get worse as it goes on, and you'll only hurt him more the longer it goes on. You don't have to bring your questioning into it. Just tell him you made a mistake, and you're sorry.

About being questioning, all I can say is to give it time, and not worry too much about a label (ha ha, a lot easier said than done). Try to relax. If you like a girl and she likes you, date her. If you like a guy, date him. Try not to stress too much. It will work out fine. :)

Are you hanging on to something useless just because you think it's beautiful?
--William Zinsser

the ghost's picture

Im scared

Im scared that if I break up with him some of my family and friends will suspect I might be gay,because my sister has accused me of it in the past.and now that I have started seeing this guy everyone around me seems so happy,thats everyone except me!I know its horribly unfair to lead this guy on but I just feel like I've made a huge mess!!I appreciate all the advice I have recieved and know that you guys are right.I'm just freaking out and needed somewhere to vent my feelings cause I got no one to talk to about this.

the mouse that roared's picture

vent away :)

I know you're scared, but is it really fair to your boyfriend to hurt him more under the cover of being straight? No one wants to be used like that. You can come up with some sort of cover if you need more time to sort yourself out.

Are you hanging on to something useless just because you think it's beautiful?
--William Zinsser

the ghost's picture

Well I

Well I finally did the decent thing and broke up with the guy I was seeing.It wasn't as awful as I imagined it would be,and no one has asked if im gay cause of it!I think I was completely panicing! They just think we weren't getting along.Thanks so much you guys for your help and advice!

pink hair on girls's picture

you should definitely break

you should definitely break up with this guy. If you feel trapped with this guy, it probably either means that you don't like guys, or that you just don't like this guy. either way, you shouldn't be in a relationship with him. Also, after you've figured out what you are, try coming out to your friends, so they wont set you up with a guy again that yuo don't like.
make love not war . . . . or be abstinent and bomb everybody!!!!

patnelsonchilds's picture

You did the right thing,

You did the right thing, hon.

Let me take this opportunity to share something with you all that I've discovered now that I've reached the ripe old age of 41. When I look back on my life, the things I regret most are not bad decisions I've made or opportunities missed. Those things suck, but I'm here now and happy with my life, and all of those choices led me to where I am today. No, what I regret most, what makes me lose sleep and wish desperately for some way to go back in time and fix things, are the people I've hurt along the way. I've never been a mean person, as a rule, but I was for much of my life a very confused one. As a result, I sometimes made choices that caused considerable pain to other people for purely selfish reasons. These are the things that stay with me now ten, twenty, even thirty years later.

Ok, what's the point here Patrick? Geez Louise. I'm trying to say that fairly often in life you're presented with a choice between hurting someone else and being hurt yourself. My advice in most of these cases is to take it on the chin yourself, and be comforted by the fact that you've spared another person some pain. You'll find yourself with fewer regrets later in life, a much stronger character, and heaps and heaps of good karma (which is fantastic stuff to have in abundance).

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay
characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

pink hair on girls's picture

oooops . . . . i didn' t

oooops . . . . i didn' t read any of the commests before i wrote this, just the forum. teehee
make love not war . . . . or be abstinent and bomb everybody!!!!