milee13's picture

This isn't really important, I'm just kind of upset and having issues with dealing with my emotions.

I've never had a relationship with my mother where I felt comfortable arguing with her and I have this total guilt complex when I upset her, I feel absolutely horrible and it's kind of ridiculous in its extremeness.

So yesterday my mother and I gave my younger sister a ride to school, she goes locally and it's within walking distance and we usually leave earlier than she does because I have an early class, anyway my younger sister had spent the morning whining about her hair and didn't want our suggestions and the whining continued into the car where she accused me of snapping at her.

My mother flipped out, started yelling and screaming and blasting music and my sister continued to try and argue with her and was all crying and everything and it was just insane. I tend to keep my mouth shut when people are upset, especially my mother because I see no point in arguing.

I expect the whole thing to end when we drop my younger sister off but it doesn't and she turns on me...and I have no reaction whatsoever.

I don't like being yelled at and avoid it if at all possible, I don't even yell myself because I feel that there are better ways to resolve conflicts and to communicate with someone that you don't appreciate their behaviour or whatever. So I sat there for the twenty minute drive to school and didn't say anything. I thought that it would have blown over by the time she picked me up and it hadn't and it has carried over into today and I had to sit through two silent car rides.

I spoke with my younger sister and basically told her that I really don't feel that I deserved to be yelled at as I hadn't done anything.

So rather than the guilt and remorse that I would typically feel for having upset my parental unit I feel irrational anger at the injustice that I believe that she is causing me.

She snapped at me about an hour ago and said that if I needed a ride to school to tell her, which is total shit because there is no other way for me to get to school, and I told her that yes I did, why wouldn't I. And she didn't respond, which of course resulted in my apologizing for yesterday which she didn't respond to either.

This of course ended with me going in my room and having an excellent crying jag and becoming terribly frustrated. I have enough self control to not stoop to the level of screaming at her and stamping my feet and throwing a tantrum reminiscent of my childhood and demanding to know why she's doing this to me, but I almost think that if nothing else it would make me feel better.

I know that it isn't uncommon for teenagers to get into arguments with their parents, I have a friend who does it all the time and her mom is absolutely psychotic, she's not only yelled at me but my brother and one our other friends as well, and I just can't understand it.

I have a lot of respect for my mother and that's really the only thing that keeps me from slamming around the house expressing my displeasure like my younger sister does.

It bothers me that as a teenager I am able to control myself enough to not freak out at people and attack them be it physically or verbally, but adults aren't. I get frustrated and upset, we all do, but I deal with it in a manner that isn't harming myself or the people around me. I didn't not say anything to further piss my mom off, but rather so that she could calm down and to avoid the risk of angering her further which only appears to have backfired.

I talk to my mom all the time, but there are some things that I just don't discuss with her because it just isn't worth it, she doesn't agree with my religious or political views and though she accepts my sexuality (from what I understand) it's not something that I think i could have a serious discussion with her about (it's kind of a gray area right now). So when she isn't talking to me its upsetting, especially when I don't understand why she would have such a violent reaction to an incident that was so unimportant.

I feel a great deal better now, but I hate thinking about the things that divide us enough as it is that I find it really upsetting when she divides us purposefully and doesn't share my feeling that we should discuss things maturely (especially because at almost 18 I am capable of discussing things in a mature fashion) because it makes me feel degraded.

I'm known for being pretty level headed and it's very rare that I end up in a situation that has me feeling this upset that it makes me wonder if I have more control issues than I previously thought.

So now that I've rambled on, I'm just curious as to how many of you actually have fights with your parents that result in yelling and arguments that last for prolonged periods of time.


Poteetclarinet07's picture

Hon, be happy you have a leve

Hon, be happy you have a level of control that wont get you into too much trouble. With my parents (mainly my dad) they bring the worst out in me and i don't know what to do about it. I try my best to just keep quiet and civilized, but then he goes and starts making fun of me and my friends, calling me a fag and saying the only palce i have to go to is San Francisco and being just a boy toy.

I think parents of their generation don't know how to handle frustration, with all the stresses of everything happening right now. My mom is not dealing with stuff very well right now. I'm not sure how to help you out, maybe an older guy can help the both of us!

It never matters what strangers think. You'll never see them again.
So you might as well act like a total flamer to all!!!!

twitch's picture

It's not your fault hon- its

It's not your fault hon- its probably your parent dealing with all the changes shes been put through. Alot of people I know had their parents get much more hostile in the months after their outing, but it worked out in the end

~ A Tiger in a Cage + Never Sees the Sun ~