series of random thoughts

sugarmagnolia's picture

i'm very much looking forward to this semester being over, and me not having to deal with my inconsiderate and homophobic roommate any more. i'm hoping she transfers, so i can lose touch and not really have to come out to her, but whatever works out, i'm not too worried at this point. my plan is to come out to my best friend when i get home, which i think i can do now that i'm really out to myself, and then come out fully at school in the fall. really coming out to myself has been a painful process, and i never thought it would take this long. i think i'm actually ready though to come out to others. even here, around people i don't know too well, the words 'i'm gay' have been on the tip of my tongue, i just can't quite get them out.

i saw a speaker earlier in the week, T.J. actually, from transgeneration, i've never seen the show since i don't have the channel, but he was an awesome speaker. so that had me thinking about all sorts of things, and how we classify people and such. he spoke about race and gender, and stereotypes we have, and the differences in how people are treadted based on knowing 'what they are'. so that was some heavy thinking, but i couldn't get up the guts to participate in the discussion afterwards because i felt like specifying that i was gay before hand, but couldn't quite get the words out for that... and didn't really have anything conclusive to say. later though, i had all these thoughts, which was quite frustrating, because i don't know enough people on campus that i can have a good discusion with. my roommate didn't know who dick cheney was, and the others aren't going to be accepting of any ideas surrounding a trans-male speaker either. i'm hoping goingn the glbta in the fall will help with some of that. but anyway.

i've been so stressed about sexuality, and world issues and stuff, even the guy i work with noticed i was a bit off. he said i'd never seemed so serious and sad since he's met me. i'd consider coming out to him, but my suitemate also works there, and if he didn't take it well, i'd be in trouble. so maybe in the fall.

anyway, i did get to go rock climbing thursday, at the indoor gym, which was awesome because i'd really gotten into it earlier in the semester but hadn't had a chnace to go in a while. i was totally out of shape but it was still fun. and then saturday there was a sale at the store where i get my gear, so i got a pair of climbing shoes too. they're usually pretty expensive, but it wasn't too bad with the sale. they fit really well, so i'm looking forward to giving them a try next time we go.

back to studying now....


hellonwheels's picture

that's really cool....

I'm glad you had fun rock climbing...yeah, climbing gear is expensive...harnesses, lines, chalk, adds up I wish I could have been there to hear that speaker...I would have gladly discussed it with you. I'm sorry your roommate is such a homophobe, but that's just how it goes sometimes...I want my semester to end too...too many papers, projects and stress...If high school ended now, I'd be happy. Well, I hope going to that GLBT group helps sounds interesting...good luck on coming out...

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman