Coming out?

SilentBlue's picture

I really want to tell someone but I'm afraid that when I do I will avoid whoever I tell because I'll be afraid of what they think. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable around me either, just treat me like me. I know it would be different for awhile and there's no way of getting around that, but I'm just afraid. I also wouldn't know exactly who to tell either. My most accepting friend is probably the friend I see the least of because she is so busy all the time and has so many other friends. My closest friend is probably the one that would be the most weirded out by it and I don't feel close enough to any of my other friends to talk to them. I know of only one other gay person at my school (a guy) and I was thinking about talking to him but because I don't know him that well, I'm not sure if I can trust him not to tell any of his friends.

I have also been keeping myself from doing it until I feel comfortable in my body again. I have gotten out of shape and, as shallow as it is, I would like to get back into shape so that when I come out and feel as if people are noticing me more (hopefully they don't), I will at least feel that I look good. I am usually very active, but because I fell into depression for awhile I didn't do much of anything so I feel like I want to take care of myself again and get in shape mentally and physically before I come out. I don't really liked to be noticed, I like to just be an observer in social situations, so I try to "blend in" with what I wear and I don't talk much. So I feel like I need the extra confidence to help me.

I really want to come out to someone though, it would be nice to have an actual conversation with someone about what I feel and maybe sort some things out. I have been confused, but definately liking girls, for almost 5 years now and its getting frustrating having to go over it in my own head all the time with no one to verbally get it out to. I am so glad that I found this site though! It has helped me out so much, just being able to see that other people out there are having the same troubles as me and that these troubles can be solved. So thank you to everyone!

Comments

Panic Motion's picture

Hope you make it happen.

Sorry. That shit hurts so I hope you can tell someone one day too. You'll get to feel so much better.

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Campfire's picture

Re: the other gay guy, chance

Re: the other gay guy, chances are he's gone through the same problems you are having right now, just like the hundreds of people on this site... So maybe he'll be understanding? First person I told was bisexual, made it a lot easier. And once I told her I was able to tell my mum (in a round about way), and I'm sort of going from there. I haven't told a very close friend, because I've lied to her the most about being straight so it remains very difficult, but I know that it's just a matter of time before she finds out, as I'm being very liberal with what I say around others.

There's also always counsellor people at school or that one really cool teacher everyone likes, they are bound by their workplace rules to keep things confidential.

"If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other cause for prejudice by noon."
- George Aiken

Adam A's picture

tell u'r closest friend, i to

tell u'r closest friend, i told my extremely straight, extremely homophobic, extremely conservative best friend recently and he took it so well i didn't believe him. if this friend of u'rs is really close to you, and i mean if it's something real and concrete, then your relationship should survive it, but of course every person is different and so is every reaction, don't tell people you don't know if you can trust, i don't know if u live in a small town or not, but in small towns, someone being gay is like the biggest most interesting scandal you could possibly reveal, the entire town will know you (in an unfavourable way). so just be careful!