I've given up on changing people, changing them and stopping them from usung degrading terms when they speak about GLBT people. It frustrates me, yes it does that they don't stop but I can't really do anything so I'll be good and not use degrading terms.
My math teacher pulled me out of class while she was teaching to ask me if I was depressed, the answer is honestly I don't know. I don't like who I am or where I'm going and I'm not so sure how I'm going to change my future. It isn't like I'm doing bad things like setting fires but I don't do such positive things either.
I felt like jumping out of a ten story window but there isn't a building that tall around here. And to do something such as that would be selfesh and unkind. I'm tired of the abuse. Abuse when peop,le say I can't be who I am. Abuse when I'm not ever good enough all I do is try my hardest and fail every time.
I want to succeed.
I was crying in first hour when I was trying to write my memoir. I have changed my topic to be when I came out to the first person and well... honestly I don't think I can do it in four days. Because what happened when I came out was just painful and probably what started the cycle of horror. When I told the first person they said I was going to rot in hell and that I wasn't suppose to be this way, god didn't love me. And I ran down stairs to my kitchen to get a knife. I layed the knife down and cried until I fell asleep. I was thinking of ways to end my life. I didn't know what to do. What are you suppose to do when someone tells you awful things like that?
Throw me a line of rope I need realing in. Save Me....