i could really use an attention span...

sugarmagnolia's picture

Studying is driving me crazy. And my meal plan has run out, so my food intake has been questionable, which probably isn't helping. I have the bag of chocolate my mom mailed for "survival" as she called it. And then I have peanut butter and whole grain crackers, and the occasional meal from the cafeteria when I get hungry enough to be willing to spend cash.

I went climbing last night, hoping that some good physical activity would help settle my mind, but I was so stressed from studying and hadn't really slept well the night before (due to the roommate), so I just kind of sucked. I'd get nervous half way up the wall, and was over thinking everything... it wasn't good. So hopefully I get some climbing in over the summer, that way I can build up my skill and be much more impressive (meaning, not sucking so much) when I get back. Or at least my nerves will be calmed, so that I can actually enjoy climbing again, even if I'm not so good.

My suitemates got my born-again-christian roommate drunk last night, something that previously she'd believed was against the bible. But she knew she was drinking, so I don't know if she's changed her mind or what. It was amusing though, and she was actually considerably quieter than she usually is. The only problem was she vomited in the suite (luckily in the living room and not in our individual room), so now it's not exactly a pleasant place to be. Supposedly they cleaned it up, but it still smells. And, as a result, I had to wash one of the throw pillows I'd set out on the couch.

Tomorrow morning it will be only three days till I go home! I can't wait, I think this is the first semester I've actually felt that way. I'm not exactly fond of my family, but at least I won't have exams, or my roommate (my sister really isn't so bad) and I'll have real food. I'm supposed to go to a play with my mom, I forget the name but it should be interesting. And I plan on working out, so I can be prepared to kick my friend's butt when we go hiking and stuff over the summer. Not that hiking is normally competitive, but with our group of friends everything turns into a competition. I need to be able to keep up the pace when we go, I don't want to be struggling over boulders and such. Not to mention it'll be beneficial for climbing....

And coming out to my friend. Well, that should be something... but I'm almost sure it'll go well, and either way it'll be a relief. I think we can just go out to eat some where, or maybe sit on her couch for a movie or something... I don't know. I don't think I'll be able to actually look at her when I say it. It's just too much emotion for me all at once, even without taking her reaction into consideration. "you now how I kind of used to be a bit homophobic earlier in high school? Well, I've figured out why.... I think it was a defensive mechanism... the whole reaction formation thing..." And from that she can figure out "gay" so we shall see how that goes. I really don't want to cry when I tell her. I really really don't. As much as she'd be uncomfortable and not know what to do if I started to cry, I don't think I'd be able to take it. Once the tears come, forget it, all the emotion just flows over. I can cry later, when I get home, that's fine. Silent tears have always just be away of releasing any pent up emotion that I might have, but I can't stand when I cry in front of other people. There's no need for them to have to feel worried by whatever I'm dealing with.

So anyway... back to studying :P


the mouse that roared's picture

: /

You need to eat more! Eat food! Yes, you. It'll help with the studying. And you don't want to get home malnourished.

Born-again Christian roommate? That sucks! Well, you won't have to deal with her next year.

Don't worry about coming out to your friend. I'm sure it'll be fine. And, well I cried once when I came out to someone, and I felt pretty bad about it afterwards. It happens. But it really isn't such a huge deal. I mean, if you cry after you come out, that's ok. If she's your friend, she'll be fine.

Are you hanging on to something useless just because you think it's beautiful?
--William Zinsser