its weird i know im a les but i dont want to admit it

cali gurl's picture

i know for a fact that i like gurls but its like i dont want to admit it...at times i feel like i can just be with guys cause not all guys are jerks...but its the feeling i get in side for gurls...i have 2 gurls who like me and i know i like them back but for some reason why i just cant let my self be gay....i know i dont have to label my self but i belive that if ur going to be some thing then just be it...well any body have advise comment me or leave me a privet message

QuakerOats's picture

Just give it time

I've been there. You can push yourself to admit it, or you can choose to not think about it for a while. I did some of both-- I have journal entries from 9th grade that just say "I AM BISEXUAL," and then I'd wake up the next morning and wonder if it was all in my head, and at the same time I was sure. It doesn't really makes sense, does it? And then I decided to just leave it alone, stop monitoring who I crushed on and second guessing myself. I also found a super-accepting group of friends full of gays, straights, genderfuckers and everything in between, where it just didn't matter what you were, it wasn't about that. People just assumed people were people-- nobody'd blink an eye at anything. I eventually began to be comfortable having people assume I was queer, and then talking about it. I started dating. Just give it time-- it's not like it's something you'll be able to avoid forever anyway, so don't push yourself too hard. Let your subconscious adjust gradually, think about it with a little detachment, allow yourself time to get used to it. Find some real people who understand and love you, if you can. The world is really full of pressure for you to know who you are and choose a category, and there are so many reasons to need time. Be gentle with yourself, do what feels right, and take a deep breath. I know what you mean about the labels too-- not wanting to be labeled always felt cowardly to me, like, if I like girls, why can't I just use this word. Now I can say it, but I still think there are aspects to it all that are more complicated than the label. That's always the case with labels-- they're not really in-depth.

hellonwheels's picture

why is that weird?

Seems pretty normal to me...I know a lot of people, including myself who are in the same process right now.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

whateversexual_llama's picture

Don't worry too much. Some pe

Don't worry too much. Some people get there faster than others. Just remember that you are a whole person, and a beautiful person, no matter what your sexuality is. Then you'll be fine. =)

Be yourself. Because if you're busy being someone else, then who's gonna be you?

utter_insanity's picture

I've been there too

I remember when I realized I was attracted to girls. I completely freaked out. I started pacing around my house and my mind was reeling. It's taken me a long while to accept my sexuality. I don't know what to say what hasn't been said before, but just slowly letting yourself get used to it really does work. Maybe you can try looking at pictures of girls in magazines and seeing what you think is pretty (or not pretty) about them. Looking at what attracts you to girls really does help, trust me. It gives you the reasons why you like girls, and it's always helped me when I've been able to find good "reasons" why I'm a lesbian.