i guess im totally responsible for the life that i chose, i mean i could have chosen another path in life, instead i chose this one, so there can be no excuses for what i am today. the decisions i make for my self produces feelings of overwhelming anguish. and since there is no eternal authority i am bound to feel abandoned. there can be no relief, no help, no hope. its not impossible to make mistakes, an individual human being can choose badly. what happened, really, is that i failed to keep faith with myself.
i focus on who i might be, rather than who i am. i wmbrace the artificial expectation of who i ought to be, at the cost of loosing who i uniquely am.
in relationships who we truly are is what really counts, yet it is here that we always change trying to be whatever the other person expects us to be. thus the lack of having faith in myself, much less having faith in anyone else, means i lack courage to be myself. i guess in the end we only have two choices, self deception or sincerity, to be or not to be. only in the true moment of death will the real nature of human beings be revealed.
when a person experiences the weakness of death. when a person is given a choice to save his own life or give up a secret to destroy millions, he can either defend a great cause or live.
everyday we face the responsibility of human consequnces: anguish over decision, abandonment in making it alone, and despair when it backfires.
all i have to say is that simple is a word that should never be used in the same sentence as life..:/