(Actually it's not til now since I slept til fucking 4:oo)
I don't even know what I'm doing here... despite the fact that there are plenty of components I want/need in a relationship, I'm with someone who meets practically none of them. How insane is that? How insane am I to ignore my feelings just to say I'm with someone?
This is coming from last night. Last night was my junior prom (which was AMAZING I must say). Once my girlfriend showed up I made the mistke in telling her that there was another girl there wearing the same dress as her. Oops. She spent about 20 minutes whining about that. Little did I know that this other girl was someone she hates so it made for a huge scandal, apparently. If she wasn't complaining about that she was complaining about how fat she looked in her dress. Even though I kept telling her she looked gorgeous, which she most certainly did, and I even lightly slapped her, she still kept on with it.
Look, I understand being self-conscious. I am, contrary to what people think about skinny girls and their self-image. But wouldn't you like to push those feelings to the side for, at least, ONE evening? Everyone was beautiful; big, small, short, gangly, whatever! Everyone looked Bee-you-tee-ful. And I'm not even lying.
Anyway, after that died down and dinner was eaten, we hit the dance floor. She wouldn't dance with me. Now, anyone who knows me knows I'm a loud, social drifter. Especially on the dance floor I dance with everyone. But when I was *trying* to dance with my girl, she just stood there and looked at me strange. Yeah, I don't have any rhythm. Psh, so? Then when I tried to dance close to her, she didn't react much. It irritated the hell out of me so, eventually, I started dancing with other people. She was still hanging with me, but not really dancing. I figure this is my junior prom; I'm gonna have the best time of my life so I'm NOT gonna slow down just because my date wants to be an immobile lamey.
The last thing that bothered me the most was the fact that she left prom without me even knowing. I had gone to take my picture and lent her my cell to call her mom. When I got out of the photo room she had already gone. If it weren't for Meg, my friend, I wouldn't have known where the heck she had gone to.
I haven't talked to her since yesterday... and I don't know how long this is going to last. I want a mature, stable, committed relationship that is gonna last. She's not giving me that. My only problem is that I want to be in a relationship... but not with her. Hmmmph......what to do, what the hell to do....
That was just a rant. Rantshittttt.