"War" between my sister and caregiver

Uncertain's picture

Okay umm, how do I say this. Well.. recently my sister has been really upset with our caregivers (note I don't live with my parents, I live in a homestay family with my sister. My parents work on the other side of the world).

She thinks they haven't lived up to their responsibilites and hates the way they do things which I agree to an extent. However, now she's all like ignoring them and locking herself in her room and isn't even going upstairs for lunch and dinner. It's been going on for three days... she goes out everyday, refuses to talk to our caregiver or go upstairs and she's always on the fone with dad and mom or someone and in an extremely grumpy mood.

Now I'm like this person stuck between this whole thing, my caregiver ask me questions... I pretend I don't know (because seriously I'm quite confused too)... I'm like the "messenger" and the person that gets water and everything from upstairs for my sister. It's extremely stupid... and sometimes my sister even shouts at me when I ask to go into her room. I really hate this. I really do. And my sister refuses to negotiate with them and when I try to tell her to eat or something she thinks I'm taking the caregiver's side. Omg, what the hell... this is so screwed up. Dad and mom is also like asking me all these questions too which I don't have a clue either. Like everything wasn't enough yet...


Campfire's picture

Just say you don't know, and

Just say you don't know, and that you're keeping out of the whole thing. That's what I'd do anyway. As for bringing your sister drinks/food, you're not her slave. Let her get her own bloody food, I'm sure once she gets hungry enough she'll come out of her hidey hole.

Now, I don't know what your caregivers do that frustrates the pair of you so much, and perhaps her behaviour is warranted, however, if it's effecting you negatively then you need to take the "fuck it all" stance on things, and just ignore her. After all, unless they are being physically or verbally abusive (and seeing as they are asking you what's up with your sister one assumes they actually do care), it sounds like your sister is being a bit teenagerish. They could just throw you out on the street after all, so perhaps a bit of tolerance of each other wouldn't be unfair to ask?

"If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other cause for prejudice by noon."
- George Aiken

sugarmagnolia's picture

yeah, i'd stop bringing her f

yeah, i'd stop bringing her food and water... she's perfectly capable of getting it herself, and while the situation might not be optimal, it sounds like she's being a bit unreasonable... at ther very least she shouldn't be putting you in the middle of things, especially yelling at you when you try to help. ask if something happened that you don't know about, and if not, try to remove yourself from the situation as much as possible. good luck.

"freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose"

Disney's picture


I'd give you some enlightening advice, but oh well. If you have an epiphany it's because of what I typed here, you betcha. I say ask the sis wtf is up, and maybe hint to the caregiver about the problem(s) your sis is mad about and you semi-agree on. Otherwise hope it works out and it'll be okay in the end, she is just having a mad spout!

-J, boy, gay and 16 all the way. Just not out to anyone yet. I guess my sig could use some work.

raining men's picture

Not fun

Being a messenger isn't fun. It's a very degrading role, and you do end up being the one who takes the blame. However...keep at it for a bit. Be as neutral as possible, just pass on the message. Your sister and caregivers are going to be furious for a while, and a messenger is the only wayt to communicate. After a while though - stop. Initial anger will have subsided, and they can sit their own asses down, deal with it and talk. But do it for now to stop the furniture flying

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"