Yup. That's Right. This Is GoodBye.

saves_the_day's picture

About a year ago I finally admitted to myself that I am the
biggest dyke in my town. Not only that, but one of the few.
Now, a little over a year later, I've decided that I'm going
to throw myself back into the closet.

I am content with my sexuality and I've learned that it's only
a part of me. I'm sure you all are probably starting to say
to yourself, "Why the hell would you put yourself back into
the closet after you spent all that time getting yourself out
of it?" My reasoning is simple, but it might also be thought
of as pretty damn stupid. I'm going to join the military.

Yikes. Wow. Yea, I know. Crazy. All my life, I always had a
soft spot in my heart for the military. In high school I
thought about joining a few times. Wasn't 100% sure on it at
the time, but as we all saw that thought didn't last very long.

After my step dad's funeral, which was a military funeral by
the way, I began noticing things that I would have never taken
a second glace at, hadn't it been for the military funeral. I'm
not one to listen to so-called "signs", but holy hell they were
just screaming at me.

I know the signs have always been around, but this was the first
time in a long time that I actually listened to them. I've figured
it all out. I'm not going to go to my recruter until August. Need
to save up money and get into better shape. Plus I have a few
bills that need to still get paid. Not only that but work is going
to start picking up here soon and I can't just leave them in a
lurch. Plus signing up takes months. They're super slow.

After discussing this whole subject with a few friends and them
telling me that that sounds like something I would do, and they
support me...well some of them...I made my final decision. I even
told the gf. She wasn't too happy. I totally understand why she
doesn't like the idea and why it disappoints her so much, but
we don't even know if I'll be able to get in. See, I don't have
the best knees, but they're up to par now.

She said that she supports me, but she really hopes that I don't
get in. *Nice, isn't it?* She told me that when I go in for my
phsyical she's going to kick me in the shins, and only nurture
me back to health if I don't get in. She's really worried about
the whole thing though because I've figured out everything that
I plan on doing up until the time comes for when they tell me
if I'm in or not.

I'm not going to break up with her before I even go see my recruter
and get told that I'm not eligible due to my knees, because then
I lose two things in my life that I really want. But staying with
her will be even harder if I do get in because it'll all be very
secretive. I told her that I don't know what I'm going to do yet.
All I know is that it's going to be hard no matter what happens.

Anywho, now that I've bored you all with this sob story. I'm going
to go and eat dinner with my mom, who I haven't shared this whole
topic with yet either. I'll just keep it on the D.L until the time
comes to go see the recruter. You all have a great day. And maybe
one day I'll be back. Wish me luck.


Anonymous's picture




co0kiEs n CreAm's picture

~ I got the MIDAS TOUCH. Baby

~ I got the MIDAS TOUCH. Baby let me touch your body and your soul ~

I'll smash luck if its not going to go on your side hehehhee


the mouse that roared's picture

We'll miss you! But good luck

We'll miss you! But good luck. I'm glad that you've figured out what you want to do, and I'm sorry that it costs so much to do it. Stay safe.

Are you hanging on to something useless just because you think it's beautiful?
--William Zinsser

greenmind's picture

Good luck

Farewell and be safe. Enjoy yourself. But be careful. We'll all miss you while you are away. Take care.
~Thank you for the memories, a keepsake in my heart.

Y - GuRl's picture

aw good luck

That's cool you're going for something you really wanna do, it sucks about the otherside of it tho. Why aren't gay people allowed in the military?

All the best with everthing :]

QuakerOats's picture

Before you join the military,

Before you join the military, check out http://quakerhouse.org/truth.php and http://www.objector.org/before-you-enlist.html

You should really be aware. I guess if you want out all you have to do is Tell. But being in the military-- you could die for a terrible cause, you might have to kill innocent people, you may be ordered to do terrible things, you may be abused by commanding officers, and it is likely you will not receive promised benefits after your service through loopholes in laws. Veteran care in the U.S. sucks, the military is very homophobic. Lots of people get screwed for life after their experiences. You don't really get to think in the military-- it's like being a slave.

All that said, I'm a pacifist. I have a cousin in the air force, and he loves it and finds it fulfilling. I have one grandparent who wants none of his grandchildren to ever EVER have to be drafted, and one who thinks the navy was one of the best learnign experiences he ever got (that he learned responsibility, confidence, and duty.) It works for some people, and I admire your willingness to sacrifice. I personally would rather die for a cause I choose, for something I really feel would advance justice, not violence, but all the same, this is the cause you've chosen (following our crazy president...hopefully the generals are smarter.) I hope you come back.

livingdead's picture


i've also thort about joining the military once before, but i got talked out of it, i do regret not ging throu' with it though i made a promise to a fren that we'd go at it together, but i let him down and now he's in there alone:/
i think its takes boldness to make the decision that u have...u deserve a good packet of doritos..the boldest taste on earth :P hehe

anyway good luck :)

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does or thinks of you, I guess you do have a problem.