Whew. Funny story about my job, and working last night.
I work with a lesbian couple. A member of this couple, named G., is my first same-sex crush (I'm 18). Like most people on this site, I suspected there was something "off" about me for a while before meeting her, but yeah, she was my first real crush-crush. Actually, my first crush-crush period. But I digress. It took me almost six months, but eventually, on a bit of a whim, I told her how I felt about her. Not only was she okay with it, but she thought it was adorable. AND, her partner, S., was cool with it too, and thought it was funny. So they tease me a lot, in a friendly kind of way.
Anyway, I was at work last night, and I was carrying a desk out for a customer (I work at Office Depot). He stood back from the door for me and said "Ladies first," and as a joke, I called back to G., "Hey, G., do I really count as a lady?" And she laughed, and nodded. So I took the guy's stuff out, and then came back in and started stocking some stuff. She came up behind me and whispered in my ear, "Come on, now. If you weren't a lady, why would I flirt with you?"
And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Literally, I thought I might stop breathing. It was a combination of two things: The shock of "OHMYGODSHETHINKSI'MCUTESHE'SFLIRTINGWITHMEOHMYGOD!", and then the realization that that was really what was happening. Up until that point, I'd still kind of associated the term "flirt" with boys. I sat down on an empty aisle and actually said out loud to myself, "That's it, isn't it? That's what you're doing! You're really, honest to God, flirting! Not only that, but you're flirting with more intensity than you EVER have with a guy!" It was like waking up. It was like realizing for the first time what was really going on, and not being able to lie to myself anymore. It really, really hit home for me last night...I'm almost sure, now, that I'm bi.
And yet, I can't help wondering. 18 is awfully old to be having my FIRST same-sex crush. How can I be sure it isn't a phase? I hope it's not...I'm enjoying it too much. :P
Then again, this is my first authentic crush EVER, hetero or homo. So. Perhaps it's not a phase, and I just realized a bit later than most? I didn't have fantasies about ANYONE until I was almost 16 and a half...only been kissed by three people in my entire life (twice by boyfriends, once by a girl at a party (INCREDIBLE PARTY!). I don't know. I'm confused. I'm out to most of my friends...I confided all of this in them when I first confided in G. I'd love for my parents to know...I have times when I just feel compelled to spit it flat out, get it in the open. But I don't want to tell them until I'm absolutely sure...and, as dramatically as it hit me last night, the last vestiges of denial are kind of clinging to the back of my mind. I guess what I'm asking is, did anyone else on here actually go through a phase, and have it pass? Were any of you this old when you had your first crush? Just curious. And looking for someone to talk to, I guess. Confused, and a little lonely. :)