Chicken

SilentBlue's picture

Well....I ended up chickening out! I am too afraid of how things will change when I come out, and me and that friend are going to be going on some trips together this summer and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable (even though she really shouldn't)

Does anyone else feel like that all they do is think about whether or not you're GLBT? It seems like I spend SO MUCH time thinking about it and obsessing and analyzing it. It has even affected my school work. I can't concentrate through my classes! School is going to be over soon for good though, so that part will be okay. I just wish I could push it out of my mind, but I am the type of person that over-analyzes everything so I probably won't be able to push it away until I know what it means to be me. I'm not quite sure exactly who I am yet so it is impossible for me to know where my sexuality fits into who I am. But life is for figuring this stuff out right? I just wish I could turn off the constant thinking about it once in awhile at least.

Ah well....I'm happy and I have been for awhile now so thats good! I think I'm just getting a huge amount of relief that school is finally over after 12 loooooong, long years! I don't think I will ever feel the same way I did while at school. I don't even know what I hate about it so much, but I really DISPISE school, AUGH! It's probably all the negative vibes that are always floating around. Not many people are in especially good moods while they're at school.

Comments

msquared's picture

Yeah

Yeah, before I came out I thought about whether I'm gay or not the majority of the time and now, four months after coming out, I still spend tons of time thinking about my sexuality--just not about whether I'm gay or not. Now it's more about how I feel about it as opposed to before when I was thinking more about what other people would do.
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"Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that all was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, and make it possible." T.E. Lawrence

shinedownkicksyouras's picture

I tottally know how u feel. i

I tottally know how u feel. i spend alot of time wondering if i am really GBLT too and for a long time i didn't question it i jsut accept it and now that i feel like i need to tell people or they should know i question it even more. i hope that you figure it out in the end. remeber that your not alone and that everyone went through it at some point
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Don't feel the need to define me...I can define myslef

frizzfro45's picture

totally, totally, totally i

totally, totally, totally
i always think about it, or did, until i finally came out to my friends, but everyonce in a while i still think about it, a lot, it affected my school work, and i am the same way, over analyzing everything, i go through stages, sometimes, i am totally happy, and don't think about it at all, sometimes i am totally happy and think about it a lot, sometimes i am totally depressed, thinking about it, dwelling on it, not being able to forget about it, for just one second, but it gets better, it gets better, but it gets worse too, just remember, we are all here for you

If you're gonna jump, then jump far
If you're gonna be a singer, then u better be a rockstar
If you're gonna be a driver, then u better drive a race car
If you're gonna hit the high notes, then u better be a diva
go all the way, or go home

the ghost's picture

Hey,I totally know what you m

Hey,I totally know what you mean.I seem to spend all my time thinking about my sexuality and at this point i've over analized it so much that I think i've confused the issue further.

If peace and love are so strong,why are there pieces of love that don't belong?-the black eyed peas