Day in the Rain

utter_insanity's picture

(Note: This is actually a song, but I couldn't find any other topics that this belongs in. I'm not really
confident about it, considering it's extremely long and kind of redundant, but I'm posting it anyway, so
there. :p)

Is something wrong with me?
Why am I not breathing?
You leave
And my lungs draw in air in relief
A cold feeling settles into my heart
Because I've always known from the start
You will never feel the same way for me
As I do for you

So I'll take a walk in my backyard
Fantasize that I'm really in a beautiful park
Taking a stroll through the woods
Giddy with the feeling that you've finally understood
But that's never gonna happen
So I'll sit down here on the grass for a minute
And cry in the rain

A day in the rain
That's all I need
A long, cold time wallowing in my pain
Without fear of being pitied
And when I'm done with my sobbing
I'll go back to the old routine
And continue hiding my feelings for a special somebody

I'm soaked
Shivers are creeping through my bones
Maybe I shouldn't stay out here all day
But what else is there to do, anyways?
I'll be lucky if Mother doesn't reprimand me to death
It'll be a miracle if I don't die of hypothermia
But it shouldn't rain all day
Sunshine will fall on my face someday

Shouldn't it?

A day in the rain
That's all I need
A time to reflect upon my pain
Contemplating how to keep meeting
All the requirements society is seeking
And when I'm finished getting wet
I'll knock on the door of my house and say,
"Hey Mom, let me in out of this rain"

It's just a phase
That's what they all say
Supposedly everybody has these feelins at one time or another
These are the words of my father and my mother
I don't care if it's just a phase
What's that got to do with it anyways?
I don't want to hear what you're saying about this
I just want it to be over with

A day in the rain
That's all I need
A time to be alone with my pain
Without fear of being asked some awful questions
Without having to deal with
The people around me

Why can't you see from my point of view?
How can you look at me
And believe I'm still just a friend to you?
I can't stop thinking about you
And what would happen if you knew
Hey, I'm your secret admirer
Feel free to push me into that fire

A day in the rain
Is that too much to ask?
A time where I don't have to hide my pain
When I can tear off this mask
And be unashamed of what makes me different

A day in the rain
That's all I need
Just one day alone in the...

Comments

the mouse that roared's picture

:(

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone and down about your sexuality. We are here for you, my dear, and what's more, the people in your life are here for you more than you know. You can talk to them.

As for the mask, it can come off whenever you want it to. I remember lots of times crying alone in my room, when afterwards I would go to the bathroom and wash my face to get the tears off, then stare in the mirror and paste on a smile. I've been there. Been the secret admirer, too. Still am, I guess, but now it doesn't seem like it's consuming all of me like it used to. Now I can live my life, now my "difference"--which is really just a sameness, people are really just the same when it comes to sexuality--isn't in the way as much anymore. Sure it's still hard, sure I can't find girls to date, but that's OK. I'll get through it. You'll get through it. Hang in there.

As for your song--I think it would sound really pretty with music.

Are you hanging on to something useless just because you think it's beautiful?
--William Zinsser