I'm so lucky.

Uncertain's picture

I'm so lucky I have people that I can confide to. I'm so lucky to know I have friends who don't judge my sexual perference. I'm so lucky I don't live in fear of being disowned by family (I don't think they would). I'm so lucky that gay bashing is not a big issue in our area (or maybe it's because there are not many out-gays to bash... I dno). I'm so lucky my parents are not abusive. I'm so lucky my parents can provide me with more than my needs. I'm so lucky I'm living in a more liberal country than where I was born. I'm so lucky I have it so much easier than a lot of people.

This is going to be a review on my cutting. I don't care if you have anything bad to say about people who cut. If you feel disgusted, change the page already. Otherwise, read at your own discretion.

I'm so lucky, so I shouldn't be complaining about anything in my life. I think I'm so weak, there are so many people have it way harder than I do... I don't "deserve" to be cutting myself. I've decided to make a big effort to stop. I've got my watch covering the four scars I have on my wrist, and today I went to our school nurse to get the area with about 11 visible cuts and scars on my arm bandaged. I think it's going to be hard for me, it's still going to be tempting for me to cut myself. I was going to give my knife to my english teacher (she's really supportive), but then I thought if I really decide to stop, I have to live with the provation and temptation to cut. Off course, another reason to keep my knife is that I might have to do this in steps... I will set limits if I do hurt myself. I hope people here are going to be supportive because this is the place where I can vent my thoughts and feelings if I feel really low.

That's all I have to say about it really...

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

I grew up before cutting entered the scene, so no clue about it really.

But I'm curious why there would be "steps" to stopping. Going by the (insert dysfunction) anonymous philosophy, typically you just learn to stop doing the negative thing unless it is something that needs to be done, only to a smaller degree.

For example, if you are alcoholic, you have to stop. If you are an overeater, you have to learn to slow down, since you can't not eat, etc.

Again, though, this is one of the few areas where I don't know what I'm talking about on here, unlike all the usual "straight best mate" blather.

---
"I could eat a knob at night." -- Karl Pilkington

foxmore's picture

a place that has really helpe

a place that has really helped me with the cutting issue is www.psyke.org they are great.

I tried giving my blades up, but I would always find more, so I understand why you decieded not to. You are far to loved here for anyone NOT to be suportive of you. As I said that link is really good, I don't know were I would be now without them.

raining men's picture

Well...

Well, I'd agree that you have no reason to cut, you know that. You know i think you should stop, and the way that you are trying to do it sounds great - go ahead with it all man
But - stop beating yourself up over feeling depressed and such like. yes you are lucky but guess what - so is everyone else here and everyone you know. No one here has killed the father and skinned the mother alive while raping their own child.
Yes some people are little less lucky than you, but they do not have the right to be depressed and cut more than you. If you feel depressed, feel depressed (but stop cutting man!). You are not weak for cutting dude, you have just as much right as everyone else (doesn't make it a good idea though). You have every right to complain. So complain away Max
Hugs, Tom

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"

Sunny Rays's picture

I'm glad that you are realisi

I'm glad that you are realising this now. Good luck. We're here to support you. Always.

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.

shinedownkicksyouras's picture

Glad to hear that you are try

Glad to hear that you are trying to stop...it's hard to do, I am here to talk if you want...Good luck

Don't feel the need to define me...I can define myslef

msquared's picture

Good job!

That's awesome that you've taken the initiative to stop and make yourself a better person. Huzzah! I know what you mean when you talk about how fortunate you are yet still have very negative emotions. I benefit from all of the things you spoke of in your post as well yet sometimes I still feel badly about my sexuality. I'm improving everyday though and I couldn't be happier! Change must be in the air...it smells like grape jello!

Matt!