I still really want to tell someone and have someone to talk to, but I am too afraid to talk to any teachers and I don't want my friends to see me or treat me differently. They won't be mean, but it will be the main thing in how they see me. I hear how they talk about any girls they know that are lesbians and that is what they are refered to as...."the lesbian"! Agh! I wish I didn't care about what other people think of me! and I wish I didn't have to tell someone, I wish someone would just figure it out! I know thats never going to happen, but it would be so much easier if someone just asked me (besides family-don't want them to know)
I can't see how it's not obvious! I never flirt with guys, I've never kissed/dated/talked about wanting to date a guy, and I don't even join in with my friends when they are saying how cute some guy is! There are people who I feel maybe suspect something, but I have thought that before and I was wrong. I also don't really trust any of the people that I think might suspect it not to tell anyone if I tried to talk to them.
....If I did talk to my teacher, how would I go about that? Like, how would I start it? and then once its started, how would I put into words the way I'm feeling? Whenever I start try to talk to anyone about it I always just stutter and either come up with something else to say, or just say, never mind. Its really hard to get the words out and find a way to start talking with someone and leading into it instead of just blurting out "I'M GAY!" and I would have to tell her about my depression as well (I guess I don't have to, but I think I would without being able to stop myself) I feel like if I talk to her about it though its like I'm just making up reasons why I don't do all my work or come to class. Or do you think I should wait until summer and see what happens? Its kind of weird to just start talking about the reasons why I'm having troubles at the end of my last year of high school....Please, I need help!!