A friend delema, pleese read, and comment and I will LOVE you!

help_me_god's picture

So my roomate is totally the raddest thing around, I only have a small problem. Half of the time he is this total sweetheart, and the other half he is this monster. I love him more than anything and although I've thought about, and tried unsucesfully to end it ive realized that that isnt an option. I love him too much. Im sitting here right now with a sprained arm, the other has a major rug burn, and probably bruses on my leg but im not looking, all of which was caused by him. He doesnt know how to control his anger, and even if i didnt start a fight its always blamed on me. I just love him so much and I want to help him. He might have a hormonal imbalasment but he refuses to go to the doctor for it. He will be fine one second then the next he is screaming his lungs out at me. Today he actually lost his voice yelling at me. I was crying so hard that i threw up. I cant stand the abuse anymore, but I cant leave. Has anybody had this problem? My friends tell me to ditch him, but I cant. I love him too much. Besides, I'm living with him and we have a lease so i cant leave, nor would i want to. I just feel like im the only person with this problem and am not sure what to do at this point. I have a problem with hurting myself and I have gotten past it, but today he told me.. and i quote, "I wish that you would just go and kill yourself, jump out of the car while im going down the highway, go home and slit your wrists and bleed to death, I hate you and I want you to die!"

Adam A's picture

hm, darling, i'm sorry to be

hm, darling, i'm sorry to be a bore for you here but...DITCH THAT CUNT RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! why should you take that kind of shit from anyone, especially someone who's sposed to be nice to you. btw, i'm sorry to say, but he doesn't sound like he really loves you back. maybe he's got some problems, so you should help him, but how about...from a safe distance???? he'll hurt you eventually if you stay with him, ditch the fucker and come live with me!
take care

yep_im_a_stalker's picture

ditch him...leave...w/e as lo

ditch him...leave...w/e as long as you get yourself to safety

my sister had a roomate (who was also her gf but that's not the point) who was bipolar (and this guy sounds bipolar) and she hit my sister a lot and finally after like 8 or 9 months my sister left...she tried to kill herself but she's a little better now.

so please think about your safety

Please be Safe:
Do not stand, sit, climb or lean on zoo fences.
If you fall, animals might eat you and that could make them sick.

oldfoxbob's picture

It sounds like he has Bi_polar syndrome

It is a treatable thing but it can be deadly to you.
If he gets physical which sounds like he does it wont stop some day
and you will be dead...He will be remorse but just the
same you are dead...Get out now...
Dont wait just pack when he is not there and go home to
mom or a friend...He has a passive/agressive behavior
problem one treatment is "prozac" but it only helps after
being on the pills for several months..you dont have that
long so get out...leave him a note that says when he
gets help you will come back...And dont go back until you
talked to his Dr. about his treatment...
Loving him is ok but you need to love him by seeing that you
live to help him get the help he needs. Having been
a cop I have seen this many times. Call the abuse hotline
and get out.
Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense.

Icarus's picture

five words: Get. The. Fuck

five words:

Get. The. Fuck. Out. Now.

I'm serious. Get out. forget the lease, and just go before you end up dead. there is too much a risk of serious injury. i don't know you, but i still don't want you to end up hurt. that guy has a serious problem and anyone in his way is going to get hurt.

help_me_god's picture


So, the thing is, he only is violent with me and his brother. Other people he isnt violent with. And He just started being this way with me. I have known him for years and we have been best friends for 5 years now. but he never hurt me like this untill yesterday. and he is totally sorry and he will stop doing it. I guess I should listen to your advice and go. But I dont like living back at my old house. Me and my mom fight much worse. See how im in a delema? and No, I dont have any friends houses that I can go to. And I KNOW that he loves me back. but we are just friends. thank you all for caring though...

jeff's picture


Well, you both have problems. He's not treating his, but you also have battered wives' syndrome. I covered it a lot when I was a newspaper reporter. In one instance, I wrote about the wife who was beaten for years and years until she finally killed her husband and used it as her defense. In the other, it came up when the person being abused was killed during his trial on murder charges.

So, don't worry about him and get yourself out of the situation. Don't worry why he beats you and won't get treatment. Worry why you love and won't leave someone who beats you and won't get treatment. That's the only issue you can control here.

I'm a totaly myspace whore (and by whore, I mean I use it to sleep with people, I'm not on it often), so ADD ME AS A FRIEND (last name Walsh)

miss-understood's picture


Oh well he's very charming isnt he? of course i can see exactly why you wouldnt want to leave the phsyco... GET OUT B4 ITS TOO LATE, my cousin died from an abusive fucking husband GUYS R NOT GOOD. ESPECIALLY THE VIOLENT ONES. if you dot get out im afraid something might happen to you.

Hyacinthus's picture

Leave him

Leave him, leave him now. You may love him but he is unstable, he needs help. And if you don't leave him I hope that one of your friends calls the police to report him. You really deserve better!

"Persuasive speech, and more persuasive sighs,
Silence that spoke, and eloquence of eyes."
- The Iliad (bk. XX, l. 315), (Bryant's translation)

hellonwheels's picture

Well, I can't say I've dealt with that...

But I have lived in a similar situation with my deranged, insane father...everfytime something in my dad's life would go horrifically wrong when I was around, he would either blame me or the current whore he was going with...all my life I'd wonder why I'd tolerate all of his shit, the beatings, the death threats, the staring down the barrels of guns when he'd pull them on me and my sister and all kinds of other bullshit...The simple reason that I allowed it to continue, was that even though I hated him, I still loved him as my father....I am still struggling w/ it to this day...
Perhaps your lover or roommate or whatever his relation to you is, like my dad, may sufferfrom psychotic episodes, bi-polar disorder or some other mental illness that he cannot control. That still does not excuse the abusive behaviour that you describe and it should not be something that you tolerate...If I were u, I would move out, never talk to him again, and move on with your life...as hard as that can be, and I know it is, you are still being vicitmized in your current situation...I think you should either force him to see a doctor and try to work on it, or just straight-up leave....That's my advice...I'm sorry you are in this situation...I know shit like that is hard...hang in there dude...good luck.
Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

cali gurl's picture


um i would leave his ass...my mom was abussed and trust me it waznt pretty ill be onest but only cause ppl on oasis are ma heros...she was rapped by him so if i were u i would remove ur self from that situation ASAP

shinedownkicksyouras's picture

wow that really sucks I think

wow that really sucks I think thst you should get out and fast..he could really hurt you one day. Your not alone either call a teen hotline for help...or go to a shelter of somesort..even womens shelters work they take men and women

Don't feel the need to define me...I can define myslef

help_me_god's picture

Just so you know...

I appreciate all your advice and am taking each one into consideration. We had a looong conversation about it, and he recognised that he might have a problem. So I am going to give him one more chance. I mean, after he told me to kill myself, he hid all the knives in the house. I know that he loves me. And today we had the nicest time. I tested my new idea as well, when he gets angry, i go into my room and shut the door without saying anything, sure enough he came in 20 minutes later and said that he wasnt angry at me. And he hadent even said anything to me, he just got angry at the playstation. Usually i would have tried to help, but i didnt this time, i just left. we didnt fight at all. I promise you. If he hurts me again, I will leave. Unless it is a total accident, and not a "i was just angry i didnt mean to do that" accident. I really do mean an accident. Thank you for your advice. We talked and since violence from him is a new thing, I think that he will change for me. :)

Cleopatra's picture

With what he's doing to you,

With what he's doing to you, does that make you happy? Are you tow happy with your sich? If yes, then i don't think you'll have a problem like that. but then it seems to me that you aren't happy. it's your call on what you have to do. just think of what he's done to you, right. it isn't right to just let him do that to you because what if it's not only you whom he's hurting? what if there are more people being treated like that by him? it's really your call on what you should do, but i advise you to think of yourself first before others this time. hope this helps

Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names won't hurt me!

help_me_god's picture


I know that I should leave, If somebody told me this was their problem. I would tell them to leave. Its just wierd. I somehow cant leave. I just love him too much. And he says that he wouldnt ever talk to me again, that I would loose out on college, (which is true, i would loose all my money on the lease of the appartment, and then i wouldnt have money to go to the college that im enrolled in, plus i wouldnt be able to even go here anymore.) Lets face it, Im stuck with a person who I love and hate, in a place that literly scares me every day, and i have no where to go. Nice little situation that im stuck in. I guess im gonna go spend the rest of the day in my car. Thats the only place where I feel safe.

Oh and p.s. The rug burn on my arm is starting to heal, and the sprain isnt that bad anymore... I mean, it hurts, but I wont go to the doctor because I dont want him to get in trouble...

Also, I hate myself for letting myself stay in this situation...

Lets just hope that he doesnt read what i write like last time....

Icarus's picture

Take our advice...please...

this guy can promise six ways to sunday, but that doesn't mean he's going to honor it. people like that say things like that all the time, and then they go back and do it again.

please, please, for your sake, leave. money is not an option when you're fearing for your safety, not to mention your life. go to the hospital next time you get hurt and TELL THEM THE TRUTH. i mean, screw him, he needs serious help.

this is not a healthy relationship and YOU NEED TO LEAVE.

help_me_god's picture


Here i wrote an update in my journal.. pleeeese read it. And if you dont than Thank you for your support. You all helped me allot and without you all being there for me, I would be able to be so strong...


Adam A's picture

u = thick every single perso

u = thick
every single person here (some with personal experience) told you to leave him, so JUST FUCKING DO IT!

RainbowCommie's picture

Classic example of domestic violence.

First of all, you're not alone. The same thing happens to thousands of people. There are support networks in place to help you, and if you feel you need to, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. It's staffed 24 hours a day with trained counselors and advocates who can put you in contact with local resources (shelters, etc.). Here's a page of resources from the Feminist Majority Foundation. I hope it helps.
Finally, realize that you don't have to let him hurt you. What's happening isn't your fault, and he obviously has major problems if he's treating you this way. I commend you for wanting to help him, but you need to think of your own safety first. I realize it must be extremely difficult to leave him, but you deserve better than a life with someone like that. For your own sake, try to satisfy whatever emotional need of your's he's fulfulling elsewhere and get the hell away from him.

Change is the only constant.
Even if you win the race, you're still a rat.
Workers of the world unite: you have nothing but your chains to lose, and you have a world to win.
Direct Action!

Gerardo's picture

Hmm, Bipolar?

Is he bipolar?

"Many of those people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals -- the two things seem to go together."
-Pat Robertson

help_me_god's picture

I dont think so, because he h

I dont think so, because he hasnt ever hurt himself... but i dont know much about that problem...