Alone

SilentBlue's picture

I was the only one on here for a little while. I don't think thats ever happened to me before. Anyway, I think I'm going crazy. Seriously. Sometimes when I am alone my mind goes into disoriented thoughts about nothing kind of things, like I just sit through a fog all day. and I go through situations in my head that I can imagine really strongly....its weird. So are my dreams lately, interesting, but weird. I really need to get out of the house more to keep me sane.

So I don't think I'm going to come out to any more people for a while now. I've decided I'm not really comfortable enough to have other people know yet. I don't think it will ever come up again with my friend that I already told, so I can pretty much just go on like I am fully closeted still. Not good, I know, but I've been hiding it for so long now that its pretty much just natural. I think even if I did come out to all of my friends, I would still try to act straight so that I wouldn't make them uncomfortable and because I'm not used to just "being me". I have always cared more than I should about what other people think of me. I'm okay with being in the closet for now though, I would only come out so that I could maybe start meeting other girls, but I doubt that would happen around here anyway. I'll probably wait until I start my life, as in move out, before I tell anyone else. But never my family! I don't want them knowing, except maybe my sister. Is it weird that I never want my family to find out?

Comments

Adam A's picture

it's not wierd that you don't

it's not wierd that you don't want them to know, but just keep u'r mind open to it because realities change, one day you probably will want them to know. you don't need to tell neone you don't feel comfortable tellin, but u'r own sake, staying closeted when you really don't need to is only goign to do you damage, so don't do that.
take care
adam

oldfoxbob's picture

come out when you are ready

Don't let any one push you into comming out to anyone.
It appears that you have to some of your friends.
That is good because then you have someone to talk
to when you see that good looking girl across the street
and someone who doesn't care when you make off the
wall comments about her breasts, or what ever.
That is what cool friends are for...And I hope you
have those type of friends...As far as comming out
to the family...that day will come to you as it does to
all of us...Just let it happen when it is time to happen
and you will know when that is...
In the mean time enjoy life as it is...come out to
those who you want to and dont to the ones you dont
need to...
Does this make sence? Or do I seem to be babbeling on and on.
oh well...take care
oldfoxbob.
Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense.

raining men's picture

Nope

Of course not. There's just some things your family shouldn't know

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"