Forum Games..... The Corrupted Wish

Anonymous's picture

Ok, seeing as the old game is apparently "stale" *glares at adam* heres a new one. Its lots of fun, *evil cackle*. Ok so the object of this game is to grant the previous posters wish, ala monkey paw style.

ie:
User A) I wish I had a pony
User B) Granted, but the pony has a prefernce of human flesh for its food and consumes you in your entirety in a matter of minutes.

So nice and simple, Make sure you make a wish after granting one or ELSE.

I wish my peircing wasn't infected

utter_insanity's picture

Granted, but the second most

Granted, but the second most amazing guitarist on the entire planet, who is very jealous of your skills, murders you so that they can become the most amazing guitarist on the planet instead.

I wish I could think of a wish to make. :D


"Women in rubber will ALWAYS be flirting with me!" --Maureen in the musical RENT

apuffalogic's picture

*Waves Wand*

Granted! Alakazam, hocus-kadabera, bippity-bobbity-BOO! POOF!
*Crickets*

Okay, so you think of a wish. You wish "to make", just as you specifically requested.

Make what, though? Hmm...you didn't say...does that mean I get to decide? It does? YAAY! Great! You wish to make me rich.

I, however, wish for something else:
I wish to be able to get something from nothing.
____________________________________________
'How can I tell,' said the man, 'that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind?'

yep_im_a_stalker's picture

Granted but that something

Granted but that something is a tone-deaf, opera-singing somethingmahcallit* that is very very annoying and follows you everywhere
(*a human-like creature with big anime-esque eyes, no need for sleep, and a disposition similar to a 5 year old with a lifetime supply of sugary, sugary dealios)

I wish that I had a black Gibson Flying V (with NOTHING wrong with it and NOTHING keeping me from being able to play it)

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Disney's picture

Granted, but then you play

woops, it posted twice

Disney's picture

Granted, but then you play

Granted, but then you play the Gibson so much, your parents send you to a school for the musically gifted. The teachers there identify you as musically ADDICTED, so you are transferred to a psych ward. You live out your days in a sound-proofed room, playing away as inmates and entertainment-starved caretakers stare at you from the glass of your minute, super-strong door.

I wish for unlimited wishes until I wish for no further wishes to be granted!

apuffalogic's picture

*Snaps Fingers*

Granted. You get unlimited wishes.

But that doesn't mean they're granted. So nothing happens. They just stay inside your head. In the end, your newfound, infinite, unfulfillable desires drive you completely insane. One day you finally snap and go on a rampage through your town, screaming and foaming at the mouth, and have to be shot down with a tranquilizer dart. So now you're in that mental hospital down the street from 1stTeeka.

I wish I had a better memory.
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'How can I tell,' said the man, 'that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind?'

5thstory's picture

Granted. Your memory is

Granted. Your memory is amazing, none can overcome it. You start remembering so much, that anything you see brings at least 10 different ideas to your head. Finally, you remember so much, you stop thinking, feeling and sensing, just for having peace of mind, that implies frying your head with some kind of drug. Now you are with Disney in the mental hospital down the street from 1srTeeka, dixi.

I wish I could know the truth!

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

Lol-taire's picture

Truth? You can't handle the truth.

Sure, so you meet Truth at a cocktail party. You're there alone because you'd made a date with Death, but got stood up. The party's kind of dull. Now the first reaction to Truth is hatred, but you get talking and end up going home with it- because well Truth is Beauty afterall.

Truth is a great flirt, but Truth is rarely pure and never simple- as you find out when you get a case of the clap and Truth won't return your phonecalls. But regardless, you go mad in the pursuit of Truth, although Truth is even stranger than Fiction. And you remember how that ended badly, despite the fact that Fiction had given you the second chance that Life denied you.
But you see Truth everywhere- this one time on the bus you even mistook Disenchantment for Truth, but to be fair you were dreaming a bit at the time.

After a while you realise there is no Truth and hook up with Perception instead. Then one day you get a phonecall- it's Truth. Truth's pregnant. Oh shit. A few months later you go to the hospital and in the cot is a little bundle of... Hatred.

You should have known: Truth breeds Hatred. What's worse is it's only Hatred when it's down sleeping for the night, because Hatred is just settled Anger. And now you're stuck paying child-support to this little monster. Which is expensive, because as we all know Hatred corrodes the vessel in which it is stored and so you're going through cots and push-chairs and car seats like no-one's business.

But that's what you get for having one night stands with abstractions.

I wish my eyebrows wouldn't grow back so fast.

apuffalogic's picture

*Blinks*

Er, granted. Run along, now, before I have a chance to recover from that last post.

Just kidding! Off with her eyebrows!

I wish my gaydar worked better.
____________________________________________
'How can I tell,' said the man, 'that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind?'

Neutrina's picture

Granted. You can tell when

Granted. You can tell when people are gay even before they can. You mistakenly out several conservatives to themselves, and they chase you with baseball bats.

I wish I could read faster.

"She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for"
-The Click Five "Just the Girl"

dykehalo's picture

Granted but now you read so

Granted but now you read so fast your out of stuff to read because you've read everything in every language in the world.

I wish i didn't have an addictive personality and get addicted to things so easily.
~~~Fear is only a verb if you let it be.. don't you dare let go of my hand~~~

apuffalogic's picture

Granted.

Granted. Now you can never be addicted to anything again. To acquire this, however, you can never desire anything again. Therefore, you have no goals, nothing to look forward to in life, and probably no feelings of gratification ever again.

Eventually you just lose the will to live, and want to kill yourself. But wait? Isn't that a desire? Ah, but too late. Before you can feel happy about it, you're dead.

I wish for a minimum speed requirement for walkers.
___________________________________________
'How can I tell,' said the man, 'that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind?'

Neutrina's picture

Granted. It's 20 mph, way

Granted. It's 20 mph, way too fast, and you end up with people collapsing in the streets trying to meet it. They block the sidewalks way more effectively lying down than they ever did while walking.

I wish I could make varsity in cross country.

"She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for"
-The Click Five "Just the Girl"

1stTeeka's picture

granted

granted, you make varsity, but now all the people on JV that you surpased are jelous and ambush you and cut off your legs, you go insane from pain and grief and join mje and everyone else in my mental hospital! yay more friends

i wish that i could sleep forever!

**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**

5thstory's picture

Granted. You'll sleep

Granted. You'll sleep forever, in a uncomfortable position, and awake enough to feel the pain. Now you are like 300 years old, and you are having nightmares. Fancy a blanket?

I wish my crush would be more obvious with me.

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

Naimah's picture

granted, but your crush is

granted, but your crush is more obvious with everyone else too, and then gets taken from you,

i wish i had unlmited wishes

~~~~~~~~~~~
Naimah!!!!!!

"Duck tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together."

"The best way to do is to be." --Lao Tzu
"To do is to be." --Freidrick Neitzche
"To be is to do." --Emanuel Kant
"Do

dykehalo's picture

Granted. But now you have

Granted. But now you have unlimited wishes and none of them are eever granted.

I wish the Shock would win the Playoffs this year.

~~~Fear is only a verb if you let it be.. don't you dare let go of my hand~~~

5thstory's picture

Granted, they win the

Granted, they win the playoffs. They never win again, tho.

I wish I could know who's the guy I saw today.

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

1stTeeka's picture

granted

granted, and he turns out to be a terrorist and Bush has you arrested!

I wish my blanket was bigger!

**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**

gaynow's picture

Granted.

It's bigger. In fact, it's so large that it smothers the world. Crap ._.

I wish that I had the house to myself and that a couple of hot lesbians would come over and start having sex for my viewing pleasure.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

1stTeeka's picture

granted

granted, but a few seconds in they realize your there and throw you out of the house and block the windows

i wish my space bar worked better (it sticks and doesntworkwell)

**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**

Toph's picture

Granted, but then your

Granted, but then your computer explodes.

I wish my new friends were more homolicious and not so serious.

dykehalo's picture

Granted.. your new friends

Granted.. your new friends are homolicious.. And they aren't serious at all.. in fact they are soo unseerious they are silly and crazy and off the hook fun even when you need them to be serious.

I wish I didn't have to take phyics.
~~~Fear is only a verb if you let it be.. don't you dare let go of my hand~~~

1stTeeka's picture

granted but now you have to

granted but now you have to take theology in a language you dont speak

i wish i had good food in my house

**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**

5thstory's picture

Granted, you have great cat

Granted, you have great cat food, great dog food, and great baby food.

I wish I had no more homework, ever.

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

Neutrina's picture

Granted

But now your school day lasts from 7 AM to 9 PM, and it's totally full of boring classes. You have even more work than you had before, but you don't have to do it at home.

"She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for"
-The Click Five "Just the Girl"

dykehalo's picture

since Neutrina has decided

since Neutrina has decided to try and end this game (whether intentionally or not) i'm just gunna wish... since i can't grant one..
I wish that my trip to toronto will go smoothly with few problems
~~~Fear is only a verb if you let it be.. don't you dare let go of my hand~~~

Neutrina's picture

erk

Sorry. Totally forgot. Ummm...I wish my track burns would go away?

And...It goes with only one problem. You get left behind in Toronto.

"She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for"
-The Click Five "Just the Girl"

5thstory's picture

Granted, just few problems:

Granted, just few problems: a few flat tires, a few broken bones, a few robberies.

I wish I could find the equation I'm looking for.

". . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

joemondragon's picture

Granted, but it takes

Granted, but it takes another hour to finally sove the equation.

I wish I had money to get a pilot's license.

"A friend is someone who bails you out of jail; a best friend is someone who stands in the cell next to you and says 'that was freakin' awesome'"
-Dr. Jamie Morris

gaynow's picture

Granted

You have the money all right, secured by a loan from the mafia which you can't repay. (Just for the hell of it, let's make it the lesbian mafia. Heh ^^) anyway, angry dykes come and break your legs.

I wish I could stay up as late as I wanted and still be able to get on a normal sleep schedule when school starts.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

apuffalogic's picture

Granted. It's a normal

Granted. It's a normal sleep pattern, just set forward a few hours. You don't know this, so you just think that reality is just a dream, and vise versa.
One day when you're walking home from school, this being a dream at all, you decide to try flying. So you fly off your house roof. And completely fail to miss the ground.
You do, however, manage to hit the newly planted cactus fields in the front flower bed.

I wish we never had to do group work in school again.
___________________________________________
'How can I tell,' said the man, 'that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind?'

gaynow's picture

Granted. Because you're in a

Granted. Because you're in a reform school where they don't let students talk to each other at all, for fear of them planning a rebellion.

I wish my throat was less phlegm-y.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

Disney's picture

Granted, but the mucus is

Granted, but the mucus is simply displaced to your nose, meaning an endless supply of tissues is needed to stymie the flow of snot!

I wish the next time I get a crush on someone, they approach me to further our relationship within a day of my considering approaching them!

gaynow's picture

Granted.

Granted. They approach you a day before you would have developed a crush on them. You get freaked out and think he's psychic, and run away to a shack in Alaska and start wearing a tinfoil hat.

I wish that everything goes smoothly at orientation tomorrow.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

5thstory's picture

Granted. Everything goes

Granted. Everything goes smoothly, but you won't be there since the bus that you were supposed to take was a tad late -and ran you over-.

I wish I was more brave :)

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

apuffalogic's picture

Granted.

Granted. One day, in a fit of bravery, you decide to find out what paint thinner tastes like.

I wish for a zit-free existence.
___________________________________________
"I'd take the awe of understanding over the awe of ignorance any day."

5thstory's picture

Granted, humanity will be

Granted, humanity will be freed from zits, we'll just shoot anyone with them. The problem, there'll be only like 2 persons left in each country, and they'll starve. Damn it.

I wish I could be this happy forever.

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

apuffalogic's picture

Granted. Nobody in their

Granted. Nobody in their right mind could be this happy for this long.

You're so mind-bubblingly happy, in fact, that you drive your immediate family up the wall. They start sneaking sedatives into your supper. You'll never be fully conscious again. Have a nice life.

I wish I could whistle.
___________________________________________
"The great thing about being the only species that makes a distinction between right and wrong is that we can make up the rules for ourselves as we go along."

Neutrina's picture

Granted

But you can't decide when to whistle. It happens mostly when you're concentrating, especially during tests. The other students bludgeon you with their rulers until you pass out.

I wish I didn't have so much homework.

"She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for"
-The Click Five "Just the Girl"

gaynow's picture

Granted.

Granted. Because of an unfortunate bookkeeping mistake, you're back in kindergarten. But hey, you don't have homework, you can just play with blocks all day long ^^

I wish I had my own personal printer at school that I could count on when the school printers are down.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

Lol-taire's picture

Granted. You have a printer-

Granted. You have a printer- he is a medieval monk who makes copies of your work. But he has to make the vellum, copy everything out by hand (starting again if he makes even a tiny mistake), illuminate the manicripts (very skillfully- you'll be glad to know) and still take time of for vespers and self flagilation. By the time he's finished the school printers have been fixed for several months already.

I wish I could wear contact lenses without them making my eyes feel so weird.

5thstory's picture

Granted, your eyes don't

Granted, your eyes don't feel weird, they look weird. Everyone starts calling you 'Mrs. Toad', and before you know you end up insane, in the mental institute so mentioned in this thread. Your last words? Croack, Croack.

I wish I wouldn't be insomniac

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

gaynow's picture

Granted.

You're narcoleptic instead. :P

I wish I was better at judging my own emotions.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

apuffalogic's picture

Granted. You know exactly

Granted. You know exactly what you're feeling, but now you're so disgusted with yourself that you commit suicide.

I wish that I could forget things at will.
___________________________________________
"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative."

gaynow's picture

Granted.

Granted. But one day you will yourself to forget "that" and the ambiguity of the statement leaves you with short-term memory loss and plunges you into a hillarious and touching romantic situation like Adam Sandler's movie 50 First Dates.

I wish I saw my cousin more often.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

apuffalogic's picture

Granted

Granted. You two get married. The wedding shower is next week.

I wish people weren't allowed to pass grade seven without being able to first distinguish the appropriate usage of:
1) an apostrophe
2) which vowels make what sounds
3) and the difference between "there", "they're", and "their".
Honestly, people....
______________________________________________________
"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

5thstory's picture

Granted, no one is allowed

Granted, no one is allowed to pass grade seven without knowing that. About 99% of the US population has to go back to grade seven, ergo, no one works now, and the economy is now beyond redemption. Now those who do are able to distinguish between they're, their and there work as janitors in school, or beg in the streets.

I wish I didn't procrastinate so much.

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

Lol-taire's picture

Sure, but it's 1945 and your

Sure, but it's 1945 and you're Robert Oppenheimer. He was a very focused man, you put all your energies into the Manhattan Project and unleash the atomic bomb onto an ill prepared world. Pity. You have become death destroyer of worlds etc and the Cold War is sort of your fault.

I wish I hadn't got a B in biology and could go to UCL next year.

5thstory's picture

Ouch!

I double posted, sorry!