Forum Games..... The Corrupted Wish

Anonymous's picture

Ok, seeing as the old game is apparently "stale" *glares at adam* heres a new one. Its lots of fun, *evil cackle*. Ok so the object of this game is to grant the previous posters wish, ala monkey paw style.

ie:
User A) I wish I had a pony
User B) Granted, but the pony has a prefernce of human flesh for its food and consumes you in your entirety in a matter of minutes.

So nice and simple, Make sure you make a wish after granting one or ELSE.

I wish my peircing wasn't infected

5thstory's picture

Ouch! Granted, you had an A

Ouch!
Granted, you had an A in biology. Actually, you are accepted in UCl next year, and in all the universities in the world. You are dangerously intelligent, and the CIA kidnaps you to study your brain, finally, they make you invent a new kind of bomb. You unleash said bomb onto an ill prepared world. Pity. You have become death, destroyer of the worlds, etc...and the eternal winter we are going to live? totally your fault.

I wish things were just like the seemed.

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

apuffalogic's picture

Granted. Things look

Granted. Things look exactly as they really are. Remembering, of course, that things really are terribly complicated.

The suddenly obvious complexity of life here on Earth completely overwhelms a good two-thirds of the world's population. They lose the will to live in the first two weeks. The rest are driven completely insane by the realization of their own utter insignificance, fail to procreate and die quickly. You've caused the extinction of the human race. Congratulations.

I wish to write a best-seller someday.
______________________________________________________
"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

gaynow's picture

Granted.

Granted. You do write a best-seller, a remarkably crafted, persuasive, deep novel about suicide. Your masterful piece of literature convinces the entire human race to kill themselves. You've just caused the extinction of the human race. Congratulations.

I wish that the end result of everyone's wish would stop being "you've caused the extinction of the human race, congratulations." xD

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

apuffalogic's picture

Granted.

Fine! Be that way!

You've caused the untimely death of gaynow.
Congratulations.

I wish Internet Explorer didn't butcher up Oasis so badly. I hate using Internet Explorer....
______________________________________________________
"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

gaynow's picture

Granted.

Granted. You go to the Windows website to get the IE update that will allow Oasis to run smoothly on it. But you get a prompt to install Norton AntiVirus. You do. Your system goes to pot. Cheers.

(And then a little voice in your head whispers fiiiiiiirefox.)

I wish I get into the school musical this year.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

apuffalogic's picture

Granted.

Silly, I use firefox at home already. There's no IE on Linux, you know...
But whatever.

Granted. In a sudden burst of elementary-school-nostalgia, though, the administration decides that this year's musical will be a Christmas one. You're in the angel choir. And they're all playing recorders.

I wish my mouth didn't have to take so long to un-numb. Got a filling about half an hour ago...
______________________________________________________
"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

apuffalogic's picture

*Sobs*

So I guess it's safe to say this game's dead, then. Ah, well, it had a nice, full life..

*Throws back head and blinks away tears*

Well, he ain't gettin' any deader. Just thought I'd make it nice and official.

"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

Lol-taire's picture

No, it just dozes from time

No, it just dozes from time to time. You have murdered it though by not making a wish.

I wish I had good job so I wasn't actually going slowly insane with.. idleness.

apuffalogic's picture

Game....are you

Game....are you alright?
*Poke*

Huuuuuh-SIIIIIGH!!!!

Fine, then. I wish I had the power to resuscitate sleeping-beauty forum topics...

Oh, yes, and about your wish well, you're gonna get shipped to a sweatshop in China tomorrow...

"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

1stTeeka's picture

granted

granted, it awakes and cuts of your head with an axe and says "let me sleep god dam you!" rolls over and goes back to sleep :D

i wish the computer viruses on my computer did cool things like make a mole dance across my screen instead of slowing it down :D

**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**

gaynow's picture

Granted. There are moles

Granted. There are moles dancing on your screen. Many, many moles. You can no longer see anything but moles. Mwaha.

I wish I could sing low E better.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

apuffalogic's picture

Granted.

You can sing it. But now it's the only tone you can hit, and anything you ever decide to say from now on will have to be done so in a Gregorian chant.

I wish I didn't feel so icky.

"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

Neutrina's picture

Granted. You don't feel

Granted. You don't feel icky. You feel pretty. And therein lies the problem: you can't help but to sing the song from West Side Story. You eventually drive your friends insane and they beat you to death with handfuls of spaghetti.

I wish I could write a really good in-class essay.

"She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for"
-The Click Five "Just the Girl"

apuffalogic's picture

Granted.

Your essay is so good, in fact, that your teacher becomes jealous of your essay-writing skills and flunks you to prevent anyone from becoming recognized as a better writer than he/she(/it) is.

I wish my cold would go away, so I could pronounce my "n"s, and "m"s again.

"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

utter_insanity's picture

Granted. However, you can

Granted. However, you can only make M and N sounds again, so now the only word you are capable of saying is "M&Ms." Wait, my mistake. You can't say M&Ms because you can't make S sounds.

I wish...my sister weren't so lazy and incapable of blaming herself for her own mistakes.


"Women in rubber will ALWAYS be flirting with me!" --Maureen in the musical RENT

utter_insanity's picture

Waaaaait, I change my wish.

Waaaaait, I change my wish. I just got back from getting my tetanus and hepatitis shots, and I wish that my arms weren't so sore. They hurt. Ouchies. >.< Wow, did I just say ouchies? I am so weird.


"Women in rubber will ALWAYS be flirting with me!" --Maureen in the musical RENT

gaynow's picture

Granted.

You have tetanus and hepatitis. :P

I wish I was better at time management.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

Lol-taire's picture

Granted. You are the manager

Granted. You are the manager of time. All time answers to your schedule. You have to tell all the minutes, seconds, milliseconds, nanoseconds, femtoseconds, attoseconds, picoseconds, zeptoseconds, yoctoseconds where to line up and get to work.
You have to feed the yottaannums, zettaannums, exaannums, peteannums, terrannums and clean out their cages until it's time for them to exist in the universe.

Understandably you go mad.

I want Topshop to realise I'd superfab and give me a job- even if it's just Christmas work- so I have some lovely, lovely money.

1stTeeka's picture

granted

granted, but then your parents take all your money through some confusing legal loop hole and you are left poor and so all your work was for nothing!

i wish, i had money to get a better computer, cause mine has a virus called BS 2.0

**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**

apuffalogic's picture

Granted.

You get a new computer. It has a virus scanner called BO 2.0. The smell kills you.

I wish my hair did whatever I told it to do, without any resistance or annoying questions about why.

"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

gaynow's picture

Granted.

Your hair does whatever you tell it to. But it has very keen hearing. You tell someone to go jump off a cliff, and your hair overhears you and proceeds to carry you off a cliff, causing you to plummet to your doom.

I wish my new haircut turns out attractive. (What is it with the hair ones?)

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

1stTeeka's picture

granted

granted :D but god decides now you look to good looking and so to even then score he makes the rest of you extremely ugly and now your shunned by all, but hey, your hair is attractive :D

i wish, oh dam what was it i wanted to wish for again...OH yeah! i wish it was Christmas already :D

**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**

amaranth's picture

Granted, but there is a riot

Granted, but there is a riot in your city and your building is burned down, destroying all of your presents except for the itchy holiday sweater that your grandmother knited for you. Now homeless, you, along with your family, are forced to stay with said grandmother who decides that she'll help you replenish your wardrobe with yet more itchy holiday sweaters. Which, to save her feelings, you actualy have to wear. Every day.

I wish I was omnipotent.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I can remember a place I used to go
Chrysanthemums of white, they seemed so beautiful
I can remember, I searched for the amaranth
I'd shut my eyes... to see

apuffalogic's picture

Granted.

Granted. You are omnipotent.

God (or whoever; pick a deity), feels threatened after so long a time of being the lone omnipotent being (that he knows about) in the universe.

He challenges you to an all-goes death match on some obscure cloud up in heaven. It is an amazing battle. In the end, you manage to push him off a cloud, but at the last minute, he grabs you and takes you down with him. You two rascals, for all of your omnipotent glory, have managed to kill each other. A biblical impossibility, but then again; it was all-goes.

Now not only is the world amaranth-less, it is now Godless. Anarchy ensues. Actually, peace ensues. But you're not around to watch it, now, are you?

I wish we had a five-day weekend, and a two-day school week.

"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

montesqueer's picture

Granted. However, your

Granted. However, your teachers take advantage of the 5-day weekend to assign an impossibly large arsehole quantity of homework and there is a final exam-equiv test on each of the two school days. You consequently have less of a life than was previously possible.

I wish my tongue would stop fucking hurting.

5thstory's picture

Granted, you feel absolutely

Granted, you feel absolutely nothing in your tongue. Now tomatoes, crap, toads and bread taste all the same to you. Isn't that boring?

I wish things would get better and I would get to rest.

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

wild-blue-yonder's picture

Granted

Granted, things get better and you do get to rest, but resting involves falling asleep, and you dream that things are just as bad as they were before anything changed. Maybe worse. You have nightmares.

I wish my little sister didn't need hearing aids.

1stTeeka's picture

granted

granted,she doesnt need hearing aids...but you do,and because your hearing is so bad your always yelling. an angry mob now comes to shut you up the old fashioned way, with fire and pitch forks
i wish i had more mountain dew
**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**

Neutrina's picture

Granted

You have a lifetime supply, and the cans are all over your house. You try to drink too much soda at once and ingest so much caffeine that you start shaking and running around uncontrollably. You knock over a stack of cans and are crushed to death.

I wish I was better at writing DBQs. (Does anyone else here have to write those on History tests?)

"She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for"
-The Click Five "Just the Girl"

apuffalogic's picture

Hum

Okay. But there's a curriculum overhaul and they're never used again.

I wish I people had mute buttons, and that only I could press them.

"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

Lol-taire's picture

Alright but the muting is

Alright but the muting is irreversible. You don't realise this until you're already silenced everyone you love- because who doesn't wish our nearest and dearest would shut up sometimes. In your grief you decide that if you can never hear the voices of your loved ones then you'll never hear another voice. So you silence the world.
Humans become a race obsessed with silent art like writing and painting and even silent films.

But sadly this means that the old silent movies are rediscovered. No problem with the Charlie Chaplin films and The Ten Commandments. But Birth of a Nation Becomes the favourite film of this bitter, muted new humanity and although initially admired for its technical ingenuity soon it's rascism becomes it's most popular attribute. And so the Klan enjoys a new resurgence and politicians campaign on segregationist tickets. And they win.

I wish I was a singer. A successful singer who isn't crap.

montesqueer's picture

Granted, however you lose

Granted, however you lose every other vaguely non-crap attribute including rational thought and competent writing and must, in a desperate attempt to maintain popularity, hire a lyricist like some kind of modern-day pop sensation.

I wish I had a box of cookies.

Neutrina's picture

Granted

But these are no ordinary cookies. These are magic cookies! You eat one, and, finding it to be magically delicious, you eat the rest of the box. Including the cardboard and plastic. Now you're sick and have no more cookies.

I wish I could be eloquent in Spanish (and still speak English passably well).

"She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for"
-The Click Five "Just the Girl"

xztheericzx's picture

just what i needed

i'm eric. joining a couple boards and looking
forward to participating. hehe unless i get
too distracted!

eric

5thstory's picture

Granted, you are eloquent in

Granted, you are eloquent in X century Spanish.

I wish I could stop feeling somewhere between ennui, torpor and weltschmerz.

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

fox333's picture

Granted but you discover

Granted but you discover that that feeling is fear.

I wish I was a flying turtle. Literally. As in turtle with wings literally.

THE flying turtle

Lol-taire's picture

OK, your mummy flying turtle

OK, your mummy flying turtle and your daddy flying turtle have their turtley rendevue and mummy turtle waddles up to a beautiful white sand strewn beach to lay her flying turtle eggs. Sadly the beach is developed for the tourists and sun loungers shade the sand and high rise hotels gobble up the seaside. Most of your turtle breathren don't even gestate, but you make it. You crack out of your shell and blink your wrinkled turtle eyes in the moonlight and tiptoe turtley down the beach to the distant surf, fluttering your little scaley wings. But all the seagulls have gathered like a feathery cloud of death, regarding the march of the baby flying turtles as the avian equivilant of a buffet lunch and one of them swoops down and gobbles you up.

I wish mum can find a minder for my brother tomorrow (who we think has glandular fever- but doesn't want to have a blood test) so I can go and do something fun on my day off.

fox333's picture

Granted

But the minder gets so tired of your brother, your hourse, and your mom that he/she/whatever beats you up when you come home for tricking him/her/whatever into that horrible job then sues you for emotional distress.

I wish i could meet my dream girl and that she would fall in love with me.. and that she would have no serious problems.

THE flying turtle

Lol-taire's picture

Granted, you meet your dream

Granted, you meet your dream girl but you can only meet her within dreams. It's not that she isn't real it's just that she's from another space- it's like Persephone living half a year in the Underworld and half a year in this world. But the desolation of living what ammounts to half your life without her leaves you grief stricken and like Demeter wherever you go in the daytime the leaves fall from the trees.

I wish I wasn't so lonely.

Neutrina's picture

Granted

You become part of a culture of e.Coli in a laboratory. You're surrounded by other little bacteria. Then people perform experiments on you and you die. Cheers.

I wish I could stop being passive agressive.

"She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for"
-The Click Five "Just the Girl"

5thstory's picture

Granted, now you are totally

Granted, now you are totally aggressive. A couple months later you find the cutest, smartest girl ever, and you two become girlfriends. After a couple years you think she's having an affair, get lame proofs, and infuriated, push her down the stairs. About one day later, you learn that the investigation you did was wrong, and that she was buying you some (insert your favourite things here). If you had only been able to talk to her instead of being aggressive...

I wish I always knew the right thing to do.

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

apuffalogic's picture

Granted.

You always know the perfectly right thing to do. The veeeery right thing to do. Erm, right-wing, that is. You bible-thumper, you. See you at the reprogramming camp!

I wish English didn't have so many annoying homonyms.

"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

I bleed audio's picture

Homo but definately not homosapien

Granted. You notice a new sense of ease with the english language. However you soon notice it is not the english language, but instead the human language and it is composed of grunts and hitting your hand against your chest. You just regressed the species backwards, go back four spaces lose a turn.

I wish I could be a legendary guitarist

-----------------------------
Despite all the things you may have learned, if you play with fire then you're bound to get burned

gaynow's picture

Granted

Granted. You're a legendary guitarist. You're a legend for that one time at a concert that you and your band sucked so badly that you blew out all the windows of the building you were in, and the shower of glass wiped out the generation's most powerful minds, who were having a conference on the next floor.

I wish I could write lyrics.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

apuffalogic's picture

Granted.

You write exclusively for I bleed audio's band.

I wish I could live in that town in Boy Meets Boy. It's like...utopia.

"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

5thstory's picture

Granted, now you are a

Granted, now you are a stupid homophobic inhabitant, stoned to death half a season. Even paradise has stupid.

I wish I was Ben Gibbard.

". . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

Neutrina's picture

Granted

But while you're being Ben Gibbard, someone has to be you. And the temp does a really crappy job of it - pissing off your friends, etc. Eventually he blows up your toaster by pouring coffee into it. This causes a chain reaction that blows you up.

I wish my mouth didn't hurt.

"She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for"
-The Click Five "Just the Girl"

I bleed audio's picture

Granted

Granted

Your leg no longer hurts as if by some sort of magic. Months later on a routine hospital checkup your doctor informs you that the pain in your mouth was diverted pain from a tumor that has been consuming one of your legs which needs to be amputated...enjoy!

I wish I could move things with my mind (telekinesis)
-----------------------------------
Despite all the things you may have learned, if you play with fire then you're bound to get burned

gaynow's picture

Granted

You can move things with your mind. Very specific things. That is, only audiences on the Ricki Lake show. You're hired by them full-time to sit around making audiences emotional. It's the most boring job of your life. Congratulations.

I wish this story was finished and good.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

5thstory's picture

Granted, the story is

Granted, the story is finished, and good. Finished, that is, by a guy that robbed and killed you in the street, stealing the story, your fame, and money, and ideas and everything. Contented?

I wish I had the best luck ever.

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens