Here's me

Sway's picture

Self-awareness…

I’m… Ok, maybe this is too soon to say what I am. Besides, you already know. I know you do.

I’m Billy. I’m 18. I have an older brother, 25. I have black, really black hair and deep blue eyes. People say that blue eyes reveal wisdom. Maybe it’s true, if wisdom comes with over-thinking. I don’t have a problem with my body, like most teens do. I’m not anorexic, I’m not bulimic. I’m not fat. I don’t exercise anymore because I’m really asthmatic but I have a well-shaped body. I have a baby face, no beard at all, no matter how hard I try. People say I’m really cute. I wanna believe them but I’m not sure I do. They also say I look like Adam Levine from “Maroon 5

Comments

Sunny Rays's picture

Wow. That's a lot of things t

Wow. That's a lot of things to know about yourself. When people ask me to describe myself, I can't. Congrats. I haven't got any advice for you but it'll all work itself out. Congrats on the "knowing self" thing.

Indifference is the strongest force in the universe. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it.

808Chik's picture

wow. i know whenever people a

wow. i know whenever people ask me describe myself i always find it hard to. 'cause when you live in a world where things are considered "wrong" or "sinful" what can you do?. i think that its normal not being able to know what or who you are because who fully knows?. it takes time & one day you'll find it and when you do then you will know that is who you are and then you can truly be happy.

"i am who i am, so don't judge me for being myself"

niks121997's picture

Self awareness

I liked reading this. Your comments about acceptance made me think, made me possibly want to write something. As for figuring yourself out, on the whole, it's a life long process and in terms of sexuality most likely it'll all sort itself out. Doesn't make it any less confusing though.

"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect. We take what we get and are thankful that it is no worse than it is."

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."

Adam A's picture

sound to me like a poxy old p

sound to me like a poxy old poof! lol, don't stress sway son, it sounds like u'r life is almost great, and i think what will set you free is telling people u'r bi/gay, i forgot what you are...anyway, you get the point. the funny thing is, i used to be in much the same position as you, just a few months ago actually. lol, i came out, gained my freedom, gained myself, but lost everything else. i'm sure things will get better eventually though, they can only get better i think.
i'm still cooler
take care
adam

I'M JUST A GYPSIE WITH WONDERING EYES.

Disney's picture

Wowzers! Well I agree with t

Wowzers! Well I agree with the others, way to go on self-description! You seem not to have any self-esteem problems and your life does sound pretty nifty aside from questionable parents and the 'secret'. I'd say you're bisexual but lean heavily towards males, or else gay with a twist for some girls. This'll sound bad, but from your other entries you said you were unsure about a word or too because English isn't your native language and or used so often where you live; what country are you in? :o And Billy, the Maroon 5 boys not only sing decently, they look very fine so perk up you must look good too! When you get depressed or out of it or just have to rant, think back to good times; think back to fun clubbing, or how good it felt to tell Lilah! The next time you start to turn on the unhappy music, just stop and turn on the TV and sit there and even if depressing thoughts run through your head just stay in front of the glorious screen and you'll snap out of it.

Go have a spoonful of sugar!!!!!!!! It's a great cure for hiccups (hiccoughs :o) and damn have you ever tried one? Or have you had a spoonful in the past 5 years? Ya, go have one :) You're not stuck in a world where you can't be yourself Billy! You just need to realize that everyone takes some time to get used to changes and if your life is so seemingly great on paper, won't it just get better by being able to admit to all your sexuality? Or if not that, then how much worse could it get? Your parents may be wonky sometimes, but they always love you, and yeah letting relatives assume what they want about you and girls is just the easiest way to get around saying you're gay, but sometime it might be fun to say, 'ya, I saw this really attractive guy last night, totally my type; I'm not sure if to ask him out to coffee right away or fake bump into him - any advice?' and see what the relative says.

Best wishes for you and yay on taking big steps with these thoughts and this site and feeling so comfortable with YOU. Just take your time and figure out how to tell everyone else so you can be even more comfortable and maybe they can too. If they don't like it, how much do you like them? How much are they worth it over the legions of guys out there that are probably lining up for you because of a blue-eyed fetish? :p Have a good night/day/whatever Billy :)

-J, boy, gay and 16 all the way. Just not out to anyone yet.