SilentBlue's picture

i want to not live anymore, for awhile. i don't want to kill myself, i just don't want to live. i can't think of how i can make things better without pushing myself over the edge first. (did that make sense?) i'm too lazy and it would be too hard. i need to talk to someone and get some help, but i have tried the whole therapist thing and i don't feel comfortable talking to them. I tried the pills and they didn't work, they made me tired and just not care....i don't know what to do.

i hate being a depressed one on this site!


Sunny Rays's picture

I know, it sucks. But it'll e

I know, it sucks. But it'll end. Like you said, you don't want to live for a while. Not forever. Just hang on until then. I hope that it comes soon.

Indifference is the strongest force in the universe. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it.

SilentBlue's picture

I won't kill myself and don't

I won't kill myself and don't want to. I'm kind of scared of what I will do though. When I feel down like this, I just don't care so I do stupid things that I regret when I'm feeling "normal" again. And I go about self-destructing just because I don't care anymore. Its almost freeing for the moment, but later when I feel like I semi-sort-of fit in again, like I am at all normal, I regret what I did during my "down time" sometimes. I don't like to come on here and say all my personal stuff and whine and complain about my life. I have a really good life. Why can't I just be happy....I know I have to do it myself, but I don't know how.....So much self hate! I need to get over myself!! GOD!! All I ever do is complain....Everytime I write on here I COMPLAIN! And after I write a lot of them I delete them and don't even bother posting because its too much negative and too much personal stuff! AND after every time I write I tell myself its okay because I don't have to ever come back on here again. But I always come back. This is the only place I have to go.

I'm so glad none of you know me! I hate the way I am on here! This is why I don't act like myself when I can't hide behind a screen name! I really need to get over myself!