I can be myself here

The Engine Driver@drupal.org's picture

I can be myself here--and I like that. I'm a homosexual, but a lot of people that I'm close to don't know it. My best guy friend doesn't know, and he can't know...he wouldn't understand. But my very best friend in the whole world, named Kate--well, she knows. She has known since I've known. She was the first to know after I realized that I might like guys. She was the first to know when I got my first kiss from another guy. She's bisexual, and super-cool with it. She also promotes "out-ness"; she thinks I should tell almost everyone. She'll sometimes take it a step to far, though: she has flat-out told two people that I'm not exactly "normal". One day, in english class, she just told our english teacher that I didn't like girls...that's what she said--"Taylor doesn't like girls." Kate and I were working togather, and my teacher came back to talk to us, as she really liked us. Then, she told her dad's girlfriend Michelle...but failed to tell me that she had told Michelle. Needless to say, I was surprised when Michelle asked me questions about my homosexuality...but it's ok. I know Kate is doing this for the better, though--she'd never tell anyone that would hold it against me...both my english teacher and Michelle were cool with it...and this has made me want to tell my mother, as well as many of my other friends...I think my mom knows, but I'm not really sure...if she does, she's in denial, but wouldn't care if I was gay. Anyway...the reason for this rant is to just say this: I'm glad that I can at least be open here!


Sarah6824's picture

It's good to find places to b

It's good to find places to be yourself. Although it would be an awful lot cooler if we could just be that offline too huh. lol.
My ex used to fuck me off big time by telling people about us then not telling me they knew. Pain in the ass. Your friend sounds like a good person though :)

Disney's picture


It's really great that you've found this site then! :) It feels so great to get out a rant/some thoughts here and know that you could help someone else reading it or get a comment from a closer 'peer' than normal. That's lovely that you have a close guy friend and a close girl friend! Is your guy friend homophobic/strong dislike for them? Does he just make off comments about them? I'd start slipping little anti-gay meanness bits in if I were you, or if he says anything negative just try not to respond. That's cool too that you have a bi friend! I'd feel somewhat angry/annoyed though probably at her telling two people without my consent though. It sounds unlikely that anything bad would have or will happen from it, but for all you know the teacher could have told another teacher who could tell anyone else or be a homophobe.

But then that's paranoia/conspiracy theorist gayboi me! I feel similar for my mom too, she seems to sort of hint at knowing at times, and other times she'll semi-diss gay people, or say that someone is gay on TV but not exactly nicely or in a hinting way. I think all mothers want their kids to be happy, but they all long for grandchildren/a legacy/to have people to baby again! What would your dad think of you being gay if he hasn't passed on/out of your life etc.?

Yay for your first journal entry! =)

-J, boy, gay and 16 all the way. Just not out to anyone yet. I guess my sig could use some work.

The Engine Driver@drupal.org's picture

Well, I have a complicated fa

Well, I have a complicated family history...basically my birth-father had to give up parental rights, and my step-dad adopted my brother, sister, and myself. My adopted father...he can't know. He's a homophope, and will sometimes say things like "Just remember, if you're gay, you're mother will still love you,"...my birth father...I'm waiting for the right time to tell him. And my mom...it'll probably happen within a month. As for my guy friend...he's not a homophobe or anything, just very religious and somewhat...normal...I think he'd be accepting, but a bit upset by the fact that I told him...I think he's on of the very few people where it's better if he doesn't know.

Hyacinthus's picture


Well that is quite the interesting life story there! I'm glad you have a friend who is so open with you, it truly is a rarity for most people. Luckily my friends are pretty good about my being gay so I've got nothign to worry about. I hope you find the courage to tell your mom! But only do so if you're ready!

P.S. I'm glad you feel like you can be yourself here, that's truly what this site is designed for.

"Persuasive speech, and more persuasive sighs,
Silence that spoke, and eloquence of eyes."
- The Iliad (bk. XX, l. 315), (Bryant's translation)

raining men's picture

Wierd friend

"What a strange friend. I like her

Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"

The Engine Driver@drupal.org's picture

Yeah--me too...she's really c

Yeah--me too...she's really cool. And today's her boyfriend's birthday--so we're gonna celebrate! She's taking him to get his hair done and stuff...I think I'm gonna go! He's a bit of a homophobe, but it's fine--he's a cool guy.

Felix qui potuit rerum cognoscere causas